Mood:  chillin'

In my youth, before I was a teenager, summer fun at my Uncle Albert's house always included two outdoor games: Freeze Tag, and Flashlight Hide & Seek. My cousins lived in Culver City and at their house they had neighbors on either side and across the street who were always willing to join us. Between, my cousins, Tara, Sheri, Adam and Kelly, and the three or four neighbor children, and myself, we had a nice large group to play games.

The games were simple. Someone was always IT, and that person ran around trying to catch the others. In Freeze Tag, when IT caught you, you had to freeze exactly where you were and hope someone else who was still free could tag you and defrost you. This was the most difficult version, since IT had to then freeze everyone. There of course were variations of this, such as, if IT caught you and you were frozen, IT got to count to ten and if you weren't defrosted by ten, then both of you became IT, and set off together to get the others. That was one variation, another was if IT counted to ten and you weren't defrosted by someone else you were defrosted automatically and then became the new IT. Regardless of the version, Freeze Tag had a well defined area of play, the front yard of my cousins' house, including their drive and the connected driveway of the neighbors to the West, from the brick flower boxes that defined the front porch to the street. You couldn't go further than that or you lost and were automatically IT.

Now, Flashlight High & Seek did not have a boundary, and the person who was IT had to keep their flashlight on all the time during the game. When IT found a hidden person, that person joined with IT to become a team. The Team IT then sought out everyone else to find the rest of the hiders. Team IT would grow until there was only one person left, and the last person found won. The second to last person to be caught was the new IT. This meant there was strategy in hiding. You were not allowed to move hiding places once the game started, and Team IT didn't have to tell you how many people were apart of it. You had to assume if someone was walking around with their flashlight on, they were IT. Occasionally, Team IT would split up, and send out one person with the flashlight on to ‘flush out' the hiders, tricking them to reveal themselves. This usually happened when there were only two hiders left.

Let's say you were hiding and you saw the flashlight. You cannot necessarily see who was holding the flashlight. If they were alone, you might come out of hiding and join Team IT so you won't be the second to the last one found and become the new solo IT. But, if they were tricking you, with all of Team IT hiding out of sight, and the "fake solo IT" coming around the corner by themselves and you pop out so as to be found to join the team, you could potentially walk into their trap and become the new solo IT. Yes, it happened often to me. My cousins new the best hiding places: behind the camper, in the garage next to the old beat up piano, under the deck setting near the Jacuzzi; it was very hard to find them. Occasionally, they'd head across the street and hide at Laurie and Timmy's house. Flashlight High & Seek never lasted very long though. We'd get two perhaps three IT swaps into playing and my parents would come out and say it was time to go home. Still, I'll never forget grabbing my flashlight before leaving home as standard equipment for going to visit my cousins on occasional Saturday nights in summer.

Mood:  sad

Growing up is not all that it is cracked up to be by any means. Looking back to the years of my youth, I couldn’t wait to grow up and be an adult. I can remember being in elementary school and figuring out that I would be 28 when the year 2000 came and it seemed so far away. Plans were made for what kind of wedding I was going to have, how many children I would have, what their names would be, all that jazz! Little girls do that, daydream about all the things they think are adult and special – grown up.

It wasn’t a happy event when I realized I was growing up. It was death. The first friend of mine to die was Mia Vandenheuvel. She wasn’t a super close friend like Emily, but I did consider her a friend. We had classes together in high school. We’d partied together. She and Chrissy celebrated my 15^th birthday with me. She was a good person, a sweet girl, and her death was sudden, and made a tremendous impact on me.

We’d been out of school all of six months. I had come home from England to the total mess that was my mother’s life at the time and was between semesters waiting for the time to move into the dorms at CSUN, and waiting for Jack who was still in the army and stationed in Germany. I remember exactly the moment I learned of Mia’s death. The phone rang. I ran to get it in my mother’s bedroom on her Princess phone. It was Emily. She told me that Mia had died in a car accident; Erika and Brian had survived thank goodness, but from all accounts, Mia died while she was asleep in the back of Brian’s VW van and never knew what hit her.

I cried for two whole days. I was in shock. Mia couldn’t be dead! How could such an alive and youthful young woman be gone? I went to the funeral and sat near Nigel, and held Robin’s hand. She was nearly hysterical – she had known Mia all her life. I sat there in the mortuary chapel just stunned and unable to think what to say to her parents. I could hardly speak myself I was crying and sniffling, filling tissue after tissue.

What does someone say to parents who have lost their only child? How do parents deal with such as loss? These were questions I was not equipped to handle at this moment in time. I couldn’t focus on anything but the overwhelming sense that a tremendous inequity had occurred. No matter what I did or said, nothing would change. No amount of condolences or soothing words would ever fix this situation. This wasn’t a boo boo this was a life that had been snuffed out, and an emptiness Mia’s parents would deal with the rest of their lives.

Her casket was purple, Mia’s favorite color, and her portrait was there, and she looked as beautiful as always. It hit me; I’d never see Mia again. Class reunions would come and go and she’d never be there. I’d have all my plans for my wedding, and my children. What about Mia’s plans? She’d never get married and have children, or go to college, or – anything. Her time was over, at a time when he adult life had just begun.

This was the moment I truly realized I was growing up. I realized that plans like I had made were really pointless because your life could change in a moment totally beyond your control. Being grown up was having to deal with these sudden changes, no matter how painful or life changing. I’ve been an adult since January 1991, when I truly lost my innocence attending the funeral of my friend who didn’t deserve to die.

Mood:  cheeky

One of the great memories I have from childhood was playing with my Barbie dolls. I know it sounds strange, especially if you know me now, that I played with Barbie dolls, but I did. Most of my Barbie dolls were hand-me-downs from my cousin Stacee. She's four years older than I am and so grew out of her Barbie doll age just when I was really coming into mine. I had a few dolls which weren't from Stacee - Donny & Marie, and Cher were mine, as well as a new Barbie that came in her satin dark pink spaghetti strap dress with pink and silver boa. I also had three of my mother's dolls - an original Barbie from 1959, an original Ken (with the plastic brown crew cut and zipper pants), and an original Midge with the flip hairdo.

Playing with them was made all the more fun by not having a Barbie house. Yes, that's right, by NOT having a Barbie Dream Mansion. I had to use my imagination and create a house for Barbie. I had furniture, but I didn't have a house, so I created one, actually I created many. Some people build forts outside up in a tree or something - not me. I built a fort in the house using the couch cushions, my blanket (yes, like Linus), and our encyclopedias in our front living room of our house on Hargis Ave. It was pretty much the same fort I built every time. Five large bottom couch cushions of the scratchiest 70's plaid material ever! I can't remember a time we didn't have those couches, and I remember that we got rid of them when my parents divorced, and we had to sell the house on Campbell Drive and move in 1986, so those couches moved from Newbury Park and all over LA before they were gone, and I had plenty of time to make forts out of their cushions - and boy did I.

My forts also incorporated the couches themselves and our round coffee table and the two seven foot tall bookcases. The Encyclopedia Britannica and some other set of encyclopedias  were my primary building blocks as they were all the same size, heavy, and relatively sturdy standing up on end. It was like a couch cushion fort and house of cards all in one - cards replaced by encyclopedias. I had to have a big place for my Barbie dolls because I had so many hand-me-downs. All in all, I had over 15 dolls, upwards of 20 - not all of them the blond Barbie. Many of them were different versions of Barbie, like Malibu Barbie, and of course her friends Skipper and others. This one doll had the top of her head, her scalp, on a swivel. When you spun her scalp around, one side of it was long blond hair, and the other side was dark brown hair. It was pretty cool, and pretty creepy.

Of course, if you've owned a Barbie, you've probably broken a Barbie. I had two with missing arms. These were the first Barbie dolls that had swiveling arms and waists. Well, being enthusiastic about making Barbie wave, I snapped her arm off. Oh, well, now with a broken arm, she became Punk Barbie. I cut and dyed her hair (dye being permanent marker). I used hairspray and scissors and my broken arm Barbie had a Mohawk tout suite.  Nothing like broken arm cripple Barbie becoming a punk, safety pins included. This Barbie didn't want to live in the couch pillow fort though, she insisted that mansions, even if they were made of books and couch pillows were too Bourgeoisie, thus, punk Barbie had her own ‘pad' in my Dad's super large boot size shoe box. Which of course she vandalized all over the walls with punk-like sayings, and spurned the couch pillow fort and the spoiled Barbie dolls within who lounged in green & pink furniture luxury. Of course, Donny, Marie and Cher all got their own place together so they could sing and ice skate in peace without all the Barbie and Punk Barbie drama. They had their own pillow fort on my bed, and it was super groovy since I had a psychedelic patchwork quilt as a bedspread - well, Cher liked it anyway.

Mood:  chatty

If you know me well, you know that I love purple. The color purple has always been powerful for me and I've loved every shade of purple since I was very young. The moment I moved out of my mother's house, away from the pink nightmare that was my room, I made everything purple and black that I owned.

In the 5^th grade, I was attending Walgrove Ave elementary school and had Ms. Scott as my teacher. I didn't have any super close friendships in elementary school which I chalk up to a few things.

1. I started at the school in 2^nd grade rather than starting in Kindergarten because I attended Montessori School
2. I didn't live in the immediate area of the school. My grandmother did, and my mother used my grandmother's address so I could go there rather than attending Shenandoah Elementary. At the time we lived on Hargis St. off of Robertson right near Hamilton High School, but my mother wanted me to go to Walgrove. So, I didn't get to play with anybody after school in the neighborhood around my elementary, and thus knew none of the children in the neighborhood where I lived.
3. When I finally did make close friendships, my mother moved me to another school. Alison Banks and I were close in 2 and 3^rd grade, but then I moved in the middle of 3^rd grade to Braddock Elementary (which I hated). I was only there for like two or three months and then my mother put me back at Walgrove.
4. I was different because I had special reading classes to address my dyslexia.

Anyway, there were a few people I liked and got along with and shared common interests with in elementary school. One of those who I bonded with was Tyeshaia Donaldson. She loved purple as much as I did. So, we made "The Purple Club". She said something to me about purple when I wore it in fourth grade for our class picture. I wore a purple turtle neck which I just loved to pieces. It was one of the only purple pieces of clothing my mother let me have. I remember it clearly. We were playing foursquare and it was rather warm, and I was wearing the purple turtleneck. I was getting hot and sweaty, and she asked me why I wore the turtleneck on such a hot day. I told her it was the only purple thing I owned and my mother let me pick my own clothing for the first time for a class picture. I immediately had chosen the purple turtleneck without a second thought it was going to be 80 degrees or more. Tyeshia had laughed and said she understood and that she loved purple that much too.

Well, Tyeshia and I started "The Purple Club" and we wore purple every Thursday in 5^th grade. It was really cool to bond with someone, and I am sure we would have become closer if my mother didn't remove me from Walgrove and send me to Westminster Academy in the 6^th grade. My mother wanted me to back to private school and had found Westminster for my 6^th and 7^th grade years. She also didn't want me to go to Mark Twain Jr. High, but to Marina del Rey Jr. High. It made for very broken relationships in my early years jumping around to all those schools.

Montessori - Kindergarten & 1^st grade

Walgrove Elementary - 2^nd & part of 3^rd

Braddock Elementary - part of 3^rd

Walgrove Elementary - 4^th & 5^th grade

Westminster Academy - 6^th & 7^th

Marina del Rey Jr. High - 8^th & 9^th

Venice High - 10^th- 12^th

Due to all these jumps in schools, I met a wide array of people, and really didn't bond with friends until 8^th grade. Kim, Emily, Stacy, Chrissy, Lisa - these were my first close friends I bonded with at Marina. Still, I'll never forget Tyeshia Donaldson and "The Purple Club" we started together back in 5^th grade. She'll always have a special place in my heart.

Mood:  mischievious

Well, there are sure are a lot of quizzes out there and for some reason I keep taking them. I am trying to define just who I am, and sometimes the quizzes are actually right, and surprising, they are dead on more often than not. The quizzes are running about a 95% rate I’d say! So, here goes, who am I? According to the quizzes I am: 

1)      A FULL BLOODED FEMINIST – and I would have to say very much so yes, I am. The quiz says, “You believe in women's rights all the way and continue to be unhappy with the way things are right now and wish for more change. You are willing to take part in marches, boycotts and meetings that involve the amelioration of women's issues. You realize that society views feminists negatively but still are proud to call yourself one. You are appalled to see women who don't have a clue that "gender" is simply a term which the definition is 100% man made. If you feel a comment is sexist or makes you uncomfortable you speak up on it! You are always aiming to help others become aware of how much further women need to go and how society restricts them and predetermines their roles. You hate that feminists are so divided in themselves and believe that only if they are unified can they make a difference. We need more of you!”

2)    A TOTAL LEFT WING LIBERAL – “Congratulations, you do not drink the Republican Kool-Aid. You haven't been brainwashed and are able to think for yourself rather than get your daily marching orders from the right-wing media. Mindless submission to our leader has no place in America. You, sir or ma'am, are a patriot.” – Yes, that is what the quiz actually said. 

3)     I am defined by the movie “The Breakfast Club” and the musical “Labyrinth” which I have to admit, I totally agree with because I LOVE both of those wildly. 

4)    I am best suited to be a “White Mage” followed very closely by “Black Mage”, so what does that mean? I think it means that depending on the right situation, I could be your best friend or your worst nightmare, so don’t push it. 

5)     LITERATURE NERD – “Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this category perfectly! You love the power of the written word and its eloquence; and you may like to read/write poetry or novels. You contribute to the smart people of today's society; however you can probably be overly-critical of works.”  Yes, that is what it said and I relate to it utterly.

6)     On the Personality Test I come out with this: “Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.”  AND supposedly I am both Phoebe Buffet “Nutty and musical but loving and giving...to the point that you would birth your brother's triplets.”  And Buddha “You are Buddha. You are a very peaceful person, you love all who love you. You are a cheerful personality, and you have a great sense of humor. Congratulations!! You are Buddha!!”  Well, I am definitely Buddha like in shape (LOL), but I don’t think I would ever birth my brother’s triplets – he has six kids already, isn’t that enough?

7)     My perfect Harry Potter mate is Remus Lupin, which makes total sense to me as my husband Matt is the spirit of the wolf and has been all his life. Duh, we had wolf wedding rings made, he is the only wolf on my ring and his ring has the four of us on it – our pack. No wonder my quiz said, “You like a nice, quiet mate with a little wildness hidden away. A true gentleman, he will not take advantage, you will have to take the first step. Very loyal, but very shy, it will be hard to win him over, but once you have mated, it will be for life. “ It is so very true it is spooky

8)     AND, apparently I am the “Worldwide Freakshow Champ” which I do tend to agree with, and so do my co-workers and my truly close friends. “You are beyond weird. People pay money just to see how weird you are. Stay away from weird and normal people. Remember they're contagious. Take advantage of how special you are.”

9)     AND apparently besides being all of the above, another quiz tells me, “I AM ASSERTIVE” – No, really?

“You assert yourself whenever it's necessary, but you're always polite and appropriate about it. You're not a bully, a manipulator, or a nag. You just state what you need quickly and honestly. You've been assertive for so long that it just comes naturally to you. You're definitely not shy. People wonder why you get what you want in life. Well, it's because you ask for it!”

Seriously, I totally agree with #9 and boy has it gotten me into trouble, and helped define who I let be close to me or not. It certainly weeds out those people who can’t take having a woman in charge, yes, in charge, because I tend to be a leader and take over things when I see that stuff that needs to get taken care of immediately isn’t being done. I will try to allow others to lead, and if they are capable, I am more than willing to follow a competent leader.  I will not take the lead though if I am not being compensated for it somehow. I’d better be well paid and respected if you want me to lead, and those who follow better damn well know that I am in charge and hop to it because dissension in the ranks is a clear red flag on the heads of those who are asking to be fired and quickly. I don’t ask anyone to work any harder than I work. When I am in charge I give it my absolute all and toil mercilessly until the job is done. Those that can keep up and work right along side me, I reward lavishly. Those who can’t keep up with me, I try to encourage while I assess what they need and if they will ever be capable of rising to the level they need to be at. But, those who fail and show no hope of ever being able to keep up, I leave them for the sharks. It is better to weed out those that can’t keep up with my crew than have them pull everyone else down – especially in morale.

I’ve learned a lot over the years, and I know that I am demanding. I know that I used to be a terrible leader, unrelenting and not understanding at all. I've grown up a lot since then, taken management courses, read a lot of books on the subject matter, and have grown into the position better - now. 

I let everyone know that I expect the closest thing to perfect that can be achieved reasonably - that's what I aim at - why initally try for anything less than that? I say it straight out and because of that I am often called blunt or assertive. I say it as tactfully as I can, but I think everyone knows where they stand with me because I am up front and honest about just how hard I work to make things run smoothly, and how hard I expect them to work as well. I know, depending on the task at hand, I can be "The Energizer Bunny". I have also met a few people with much more energy than myself and actually tire me (*cough - my mother-in-law Debbie - cough*)

This is in my personal life as well as my professional life. Does it sound cruel, or is it really pragmatic? Honestly – wouldn’t you like to know where you stood with your boss at any given time, and be given real goals, and deadlines, as well as rewards that reflect your true worth?

10)  Finally – if I were food, yes, you heard me, food, what kind of food am I? Well, here goes: I AM LASAGNA! Yes, world, here it is, “Compared to most people, you are open- hearted and genuinely friendly. You go out of your way to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy. It's likely that you're a good cook, and you have a few signature crowd pleaser meals. You enjoy entertaining and welcoming guests into your home.”

Mood:  cool

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 films, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list, go to your own facebook account, paste this as a note.

(X) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(X) Grease
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
(X) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(X) Neverending Story
(X) Blazing Saddles
(X) Airplane
Total so far: 8

(X ) The Princess Bride
(X) Anchorman
(X) Napoleon Dynamite
(X) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management (I walked out on this – does it count?)
(X) 50 First Dates
( ) The Princess Diaries
( ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 13

( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(X) American Pie
(X) American Pie 2
(X) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 16

(X) Harry Potter 1
(X)Harry Potter 2
(X) Harry Potter 3
(X) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
(X) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
( ) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 21

(X) Finding Nemo
( X) Finding Neverland
( ) Signs
( ) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( X) White Chicks
( X) Butterfly Effect
(X ) 13 Going on 30
( X) I, Robot
( ) Robots
Total so far: 27

( X) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( X) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( X) Along Came Polly
() Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(X ) Never Been Kissed
(X) Meet The Parents
(X) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( X) Joe Dirt
() KING KONG
Total so far: 34

() A Cinderella Story
( X) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
( ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( X) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(X) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
() Flubber
Total so far: 37

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(X) Practical Magic
( ) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(X) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
(X) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 40

( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(X) Nightmare on Elm Street
(X ) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
( ) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 42

(X ) Bad Boys
( X) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
(X) Ocean's Eleven
(X) Ocean's Twelve
( X) Bourne Identity
( X) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
(X ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(X) Ice Age
( X) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 51

(X) Independence Day
(X) Cujo
(X ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(X) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
( X) Maid in Manhattan
(X) War of the Worlds
( X) Rush Hour
( X) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 59

( ) Best Bet
(X ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( X) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(X) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
() Event Horizon
() Ever After
(X) Wizard of Oz
(X) Forrest Gump
(X) Big Trouble in Little China
(X) The Terminator
(X) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 67

(X ) X-Men
(X ) X-2
(X ) X-3
(X ) Spider-Man
(X ) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
(X) The Little Mermaid
(X) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
(X ) The Hot Chick
(X ) Shrek
(X) Shrek 2
Total so far: 77

( ) Swimfan
(X) Miracle on 34th street
( X) Old School
(X) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
() A Walk to Remember
(X) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(X ) The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 82

(X) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(X) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(X) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(X) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(X) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(X) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 88

( ) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
( ) Elf
(X ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 89

( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(X ) Monsters Inc.
(X) Titanic
(X) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
( ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 92

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
( ) Dawn Of the Dead
(X) Hook
(X) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) 28 days later
(X) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
() Waterworld
Total so far: 95

() Kill Bill vol 1
( ) Kill Bill vol 2
( ) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
() Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
( ) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 95

(X) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(X) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(X) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(X) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(X) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(X)Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 101

(X) The Matrix
(X) The Matrix Reloaded
(X) The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
( ) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
(X) Silence of the Lambs
( ) Hannibal
Total: 105

Yeah, apparently I don’t have a life or something? I think the person who wrote this is most likely a teenager and thus hasn’t really had a life yet. You really can’t get into your late thirties without seeing over 85 movies can you? I have more movies that this in my private VHS and DVD collection. There are tons of movies than are not on this list and entire decades of films that have been missed. Not one Brando film on this list, and sorely lacking in Mel Brooks and Tom Cruise!

Mood:  lazy

92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake.
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.

Mood:  bright

I am trying to be deeper and grounded during this wildly busy season, but honestly, I just can’t seem to be as serious and focused as I should probably be at this point and time of the year. With last Thursday’s meeting behind me and a short two day week before I am off for five days, I am finding it hard to keep my mind on my work. Yes, there is the second biweekly payroll to review, correct,  approve and post. Of course, I haven’t done my monthly journal entries yet. The final invoices for the federal draw down of funds, well, that’s only 90% complete. I still have the afternoon and tomorrow to complete them, so I am not worried.

What’s distracting me really? Well, I need to go shopping tonight for Thanksgiving dinner. Matt’s given me the $15 coupon from his work that pays for the turkey and such, so I need to go to Dillons (Kroger) to spend it not to Aldi or someplace else. I wish they would have just given him a check rather than a gift certificate, but alas, they must think that people would blow it on cigarettes or booze or something other than food. Oh well, that’s $15 I don’t have to spend out of my own pocket – so step away gift horse so I don’t go probing for cavities. Still, putting together a shopping list is what’s distracting me. I don’t know if Joey’s girlfriend is coming to dinner. Joey said that he was and she is attempting to get the night off. I do not know what Tony is doing for dinner on Thursday. As he and Crystal will probably be getting divorced, I don’t think he is going up to Nebraska. I shouldn’t make that assumption, but Matt didn’t ask him to dinner. I would lay odds that Matt doesn’t want Tony’s “girlfriend” to come. With the children there, it would be inappropriate for a still married man to bring his “girlfriend”.

Anyway, I wanted to keep dinner simple. Okay are you laughing right now? Anyone that truly knows me would be laughing right now. See, this is what’s hard. How do I not go all out? I am going to make a turkey (my favorite item at Thanksgiving) with my apple-onion stuffing (Kyle’s favorite), cream cheese corn (Michelle’s favorite), green bean casserole (Matt’s favorite), my famous mashed potatoes (Joey’s favorite), and my homemade red grape ginger cranberry sauce (my 2^nd favorite). When I asked Kaitlyn what her favorite was, she just meekly said, all of it. I don’t think she is totally comfortable to tell me she loves X item because then I’ll want to make it for her…like candied yams. I am not making them this year, nor am I setting out vegetable crudités. Dessert is going to be my homemade pumpkin pie and pecan pie with real whipped cream, served with mulled apple cider or hot buttered rum; rum for the adults, cider for the minors. Yes, folks, that’s not all out Thanksgiving. Oops, I forgot I am making rolls too, but I am not making any cranberry or zucchini bread this year, and like I already said, no candied yams, no baked beans, no carrot cake or cranberry ginger ale. Well, maybe cranberry ginger ale punch, if the kids want it, but if they want sparkling grape juice instead, I’ll go with that. I have been very tempted to make sugar cookies, the cookie cutters are down and they are tempting me. Away, you mechanisms of delicious cookie goodness! I have these adorable pumpkin and turkey shaped cutters that I would love to make cookies with, so then I could frost them decorating them with our names and place them on each person’s plate so they know the seating assignment; too corny or too cutie pie? Edible name tags, you see? Okay are you scowling at me now?

So, I have Wednesday off with the children and we are going to clean the house, bake the pies, and maybe the cookies, and make gingerbread houses. We aren’t going to decorate for Christmas. I actually asked Matt if we could skip all the crap this year since we are going to my Aunt’s house this year and he said yes. Joy!.

I haven’t purchased the children’s gifts yet as I don’t know what their grandparents are getting them and do not want to have duplicates such as the case with Kayla last year. Did you get that, Dad, what are you buying the kids?

As for my presents, they are sitting in huge boxes in the game room. I don’t know if Matt is going to wrap them or not. Matt’s presents are all here, I believe. I need to double check on that. They are sitting on the pool table still in their boxes. I need to wrap my gifts for Linda – I’m her secret Santa. No, I am not worried that she’ll read this, she hardly knows I exist and probably could give a rat’s butt about what I would say on a blog. She’s the big boss lady, why would she care about me.

Lunch is drawing to a close, so I better post this essay before I lose track of time and the office nosy comes snooping around our doors to see if we are working.

Mood:  cool

Perhaps it is because I am a financial analyst; or I understand how to plan and budget; or it is because I can be very rational when I need to be - I am just not unnerved by this recession. Additionally, I can feel secure in my job (it would take two people to do all the work I do and they couldn't find anyone with my experience and expertise) and I live within my means - WAY within my means.

Recently there has been layoffs at Matt's work and 50 people were cut. Matt's still there and I am sure he will be kept on for the very real fact that he is just too good of an employee to loose. He is cross-trained in at least three or four different areas so they can move him around and he can cover lots of various tasks. Additionally, we live here in town near his work, and if they were going to cut people, they'd cut Wichita people first, as Wellington couldn't take much of a cut and this company would really piss people off if they laid off Wellington people rather than Wichita people.

Still, people at Matt's work are anxious and its been very tense for him there lately. So, to give him a sense of security, I sat down and showed him on a spreadsheet (yes, I am spreadsheet crazy) just how we could make all of our bills and obligations on just my salary; yes, just my salary and him not even receiving unemployment benefits, which of course he would get if he were to be laid off. I itemized all of our bils and put down what the minimum payments we would have to make to keep things a float. We of course would have to cancel NetFlix and the Credit Protection/Privacy Protection Plan I have on all our accounts, and we'd go back to being on a budget for our Food and Entertainment like the lean years when we first got married. Even with all that, we'd end up with $160 of fudge room in case a budgeted expense was higher one month or another. AND, we'd still have all of our Flexspending dollars to pay for medical related things.

Luckily for us, I paid off all of our credit cards in August when I foresaw this crisis in the credit market and stock market coming to a head. I don't put anything on the credit card that I am not sure if I can pay off before the due date - thus sparing any interest charges. I treat it more like a charge card then a credit card. There is a difference and not many people understand that. Like the AMEX card that you once had to pay off monthly that has now gone the way of credit cards - I treat our cards that way. Christmas, holidays, gifts - it is cash in hand or we don't buy it. This year, I paid off my student loans early - done in August - yes, same foresight.

Currenlty, we are making $780.63 in additional interest payments to our home mortgage and Matt's student loan. At this rate, our 30 year mortgage will be paid in 7 years, saving us $96K in interest, and Matt's student loan will be paid off in another 8 years, saving us $7,427.79 interest AND ending our financial relationship with his ex-wife at the same time the child support obligation to her will stop.

I am looking forward to being completely out of debt at age 44. We'll be able to put our mortgage payment, child support payment, and student loan payment into a ROTH IRA every month until we meet the maximum allowable investment and the remainder can then go into various long term CD's and money market accounts...meanwhile, both of us will still be contributing to our company plans - mine KPERS (Kansas Public Employee Retirement System) and Matt's Merrill Lynch 401K.

I'm not worried. I have a plan. I always have a plan because that is what I do. I am a financial planner, and I am ready. I am certainly not asking for Matt to get laid off, but I am also not going to become overly frightened with all the media hype and bullshit they are scaring people with everyday on the news.

My advice to you people out there: stop buying things on credit, put yourself on a realistic budget, don't open your 401K plan statements, and if you are worried - go get a part-time job flipping burgers or stocking shelves. Get rid of your cellphone, your cable TV, your cigarettes. Start spending some time at home with your family reading, playing games, and taking care of your house. Scrapbook your family photos using real scraps - no need to buy manufactured stuff at the craftstore, do what real scrapbookers did - cut things out of magazines, newspapers, and odds and ends. File all your personal papers, organize your closet - you don't need to play that round of golf, or pay $10 for a movie per person plus junk food. Make all your meals from scratch at home and be frugal.

My mother-in-law is the queen of frugality, and although I don't can all my own vegetables, fruit, pickles, and meat like she does - most of which she grows or buys from local farmers, I do know how to economize. Read the book "Living Well on a Shoestring" and learn something about recycling, reusing, and presurving items and repairing them rather than just buying new stuff.

I think this recession was clear and necessary. Four years ago when I was looking to buy our house, I new we needed to get in one before the credit market hit the fan AND I new that our only hope was with an ARM. We got in and paid off as much as we could, bettered our credit rating as much as we could, then refinanced with a 30 year traditional mortgage August 2007 at a sweet rate. This country was headed for a setback financially. It was VERY clear. When my father told me he was buying a house with zero interest the same time I was looking for our house, it confirmed it for me. I tried to explain to him that it wasn't zero interest...it was deferred interest. The cost just gets put off and then you have higher payments later that you can't afford. I begged him not to do it, but he did. He got out in the nick of time and didn't loose money, but he now admits that I was right and he shouldn't have bought that house with that mortgage. How many other people where doing that same thing? Millions. My father is an average Joe, and if he was doing it, it meant to me that in two to three years things were going to explode in the financial markets that held mortgages. I got in and planned my mortgage and got out just in time, like I planned.

So, am I rubbing people's noses in this? Maybe. Am I saying I am smarter financially than the average person - why yes, I am. I am a financial analyst, that's what I do, people, please. I've had two friends recently go through bankruptcy and they have degrees in Accounting! My degree is in Music and all that I have learned about economics and finance has come from my years of working my way through college doing accounting, and from managing budgets for the Tribe I worked for, and for Wichita Public Schools. I have also listened to National Public Radio's nightly MarketPlace report at 5:30PM for more than seven years. I pay attention and observe. I learned the hard way from my ex-husband who couldn't manage money and nearly ruined me. He took care of the finances - why - I can't explain all that right now. Still, a degree in finance doesn't mean squat if you ignore the obvious.

America is in a recession - which is basically a financial hangover for 25 years of absolute excess in consummerism. It is time to pay the piper for living beyond the nation's means.

Mood:  incredulous

This is the message I wanted to send to The Big Read national survey response but as I wasn't a participant, I can't. 

I didn't participate in the Big Read but a good friend of mine sent me a list of 100 books that supposedly most Americans hadn't read that she got off some Big Read website. She said that most Americans had read six books off the list of the “top 100”. I've read more than two dozen on that list and am planning on reading quite a few more. I feel obligated to comment that quite a few of the books on the list are incredibly boring and overrated. Additionally, there were books absent from the list which astounds me utterly. How was this top 100 created? Was it complied by sales? If that’s the case, then of course all the books on classical literature reading lists are going to be listed. Just because Dickens is on practically every reading list doesn’t mean he should be included in the top 100 six times! Where was Faulkner? Where was Hemmingway? Where was Truman Capote or Mark Twain? No Agatha Christie? No Stephen King? No R.A. Salvatore? No Robert Jordan? No Anne Rice? I was utterly amazed that Charles Dickens, the most boring and overrated hack ever published, got SIX mentions and Hemmingway received not one! Jane Austin gets, what, four? What's up with that? Don't get me wrong. I appreciate seeing women represented well in the top 10 - "Way to Go!" JK Rowling and Harper Lee, but Austin and Bronte? Ick! I had also hoped to see books that had true social relevance like Trumbo’s Johnny Got His Gun, or Ellison’s Invisible Man, perhaps even the published speeches of Malcolm X. What is a list without The Prince by Machiavelli, or The Art of War by Sun Tzu? What about Exodus by Leon Uris? Or Portnoy’s Complaint by Phillip Roth? It was a “puff list” of many books that someone at sometime thought were literary and worth the time reading. How many on that list won the Nobel Prize in Literature? Yes, I see that some of the Pulitzer winners were included, so that mollified my ire somewhat. Still, the list is woefully lacking. My husband and I have a personal library of over 2,000 books and enjoy reading thoroughly, as do our children. I feel we are pretty average Americans, thus, I find the assumption that most Americans have only read 6 books on the supposed “top 100” list ludicrous, as some of those books are so utterly forgettable and unpalatable that it is highly likely the average American blotted the trash from their mind upon finishing the ubiquitous high school exams that tested their knowledge on pointless tripe such as what the color references in Conrad’s Heart of Darkness supposedly meant.