So much has happened in so little time!
Mood:
bright
Now Playing: "Your Love" by The Outfield
Topic: Reality
The Wellington Wheat Festival is here and in full swing, but nobody is around to enjoy it. That's right, Matt's family AND the children have gone home.
Matt's parents and two younger sisters arrived the evening of June 30. It was a terrible day for me as I had just learned that my Aunt Corrine's kidneys had started to fail and she was dying. She finally died on Friday morning and I was an absolute mess from about June 30 until yesterday. I still tear up when I talk about it - so I am not going to continue on in that vein now. Anyway, they arrive around 8:30-8:45pm while Matt and I were watching a movie - Taken with Liam Neissen - and unload, hung out a little and then went to bed.
Wednesday, July 1 - Matt and I went to work while Mom, Dad, and Kayla stayed at the house. I cried A LOT at work because I wasn't particularly comfortable crying at home in front of everyone, but I actually made it through the day. Diana had to be strong for me and get me moving again around 2pm because I was a mess. I hadn't heard anything about Aunt Corrine in many hours and finally ended up looking the care facility that she was in up on the web and calling and leaving a message for someone to get back to me with information. I also emailed my cousin Stacee and she got info for me from my Aunt Sandee (her mom) who was being kept up on the info from our cousin Diane, Corrine's only daughter. Well, when I got home, Matt's mom had cleaned our house. I felt incredibly guilty. Matt has tried to tell me that it is his mother's way of showing she loves us, but in my family, cleaning someone's house is more finding fault in the way you live than showing love. I have horrible memories of my mother sending me to polish and clean as if the Queen were visiting because my grandmother could find fault with everything. No matter how much we cleaned and how perfect the house looked, grandma would find something. I came home from school one day to find my visiting grandmother standing on a chair and cleaning the lip on the top of the door frame. YES, that ridge on the top of the door that's like seven feet high. My mother tried to tell me that grandma used to re-make my mother's bed after my mother had made it as a child/teenager telling my mother is wasn't right. So, cleaning in my family is just something that I have never liked. I clean when I am anxious and upset. When I came home and had nothing to clean I tried to look at it through Matt's eyes - it's love, be grateful. Yet, I still found myself feeling incredibly guilty and unworthy. It was their vacation and they're cleaning my house? Matt hugged me and told me to appreciate it and move on, which I did to the best of my ability. It was nice to see the toaster sparkle, although I know it won't last with the way Matt likes to pre-butter things and not use the tray in the toaster oven. The refrigerator was cleaned, inside and out - all spills and sticky stuff, and everything - just poof - gone! I am thankful it was all done, because in the state of despair I was in over my Aunt Corrine, I think all I would have done is cry over my sink.
Thursday, July 2 - I tried to get up to go to work, but since I hadn't slept at all - reoccurring nightmares the whole night when I did finally get some sleep, but most of the night, I spent looking at my fan in the darkness. It was awful. I haven't had such insomnia, well, since my Aunt Ardith died last May. I was shaking a tired. I emailed work that I wasn't coming, went back to bed with a sleeping pill, and got about three hours sleep. I thought the pill would put me out for like 8 hours - nope. So, I put together a shopping list and Mom, Kayla and I went grocery shopping for their visit. Deanna was to arrive on Saturday, July 4th, and the children were going to be back with us Friday afternoon. SO - I was shopping for eight people basically for three meals a day, for several days worth! We broke the $400 mark easily and filled my SUV to the brim. How we packed everything in the freezer, refrigerator, and my butler pantry is beyond me. We still have some of the bread left, but honestly, we've used just about everything well. Anyway, while Mom, Kayla and I were shopping, Dad went to Wellington's golf course and hit a bucket of balls. After we unloaded and stowed everything, they went to Crystal Springs to visit their friends Rusty and Rita whom they haven't seen since the last time they were here in December 2007. Matt and I kicked back, the house to ourselves and watched the latest NetFlix movie that had arrived - The Bucket List. We both cried at the end, and laughed at many of the moments in the film. It was a great flick, and I think I am going to buy it sometime later and add it to our growing collection of DVDs.
Friday, July 3 - This was an office holiday for me, but Matt had to go to work. My Aunt Corrine died finally this morning - she was 95 years old and weighed 66 pounds when she finally went. I started cooking around 8am while Mom and Dad went and rented a chainsaw. They played Lumber Jack and Jill and cut down all the saplings in our yards and wayward vines - IN FOUR HOURS! Amazing! Meanwhile, I made my homemade chicken salad, and potato salad - so lots of chopping for me - LOTS! I made five pounds of potato salad and a gallon of chicken salad. We ate that from 4th of July until just yesterday - actually, I think there is still potato salad in the refrigerator right now. Anyway, I cooked all morning, Kayla slept in, and they cut down trees. I made a Greek salad with my own homemade dressing and the black sesame seed coated steamed salmon wasabi balls with dipping sauce (that I made for the Murder Mystery dinner in March) for lunch. They were well received by the family as a nice light lunch. We hung out and played Boggle and cards, and then went to pick up the children in Wichita. Ed drove, and Kayla came with us. Matt and Mom hung out at home. I made dinner, which that night was garlic chicken eaten Korean style. Steamed white rice is put into a lettuce leaf, and the chicken and garlic are placed on top of the rice. A red pepper garlic sauce (I swear it is like Korean catsup and OH SO GOOD) is spread on the chicken and rice and the lettuce leaf is rolled up like a burrito and eaten. Due to the children not liking hot sauce too much, I put out some teriyaki sauce, duck sauce, soy sauce and everyone was happy. I had enough leftovers so I could have some for breakfast (this is one of my favorite meals - Bul go ghi is the beef version in Korean). We celebrated Matt and Mom's half birthday since we never get to see her on her birthday and they never get to see Matt on his, with a red velvet cake I picked up at Wal-Mart that had white chocolate butter cream icing. After dessert, they all went to buy fireworks and I stayed home in the blessed AC.
Saturday, July 4 - I started the day by making the family a French Toast Breakfast with some sausage for those who wanted it. I had to rush to the store because I hadn't noticed that the Texas Toast that we had purchased on Thursday was actually thin sliced, not the thick sliced I use for French Toast. So I ran out and got two loaves of that and came back tout suite. After breakfast, Mom helped me make Deviled Eggs and my 7 layer bean dip that Matt has taken to calling "THE DIP!!" yes, all capitals and exclamation points are necessary to express how he says it. Light lunch of sandwiches was served to stave off hunger. Kyle, Michelle, and Kayla went to the pool around 1pm, and Mom, Dad, Matt and I had a quite house to ourselves for a few hours in which to play Cribbage, which was nice. Matt's parents went to pick up Deanna, leaving around 6 since her flight arrived around 7, and while Matt went to pick up the children at the pool, I started cooking dinner. It was the typical 4th of July dinner of hamburgers and hot dogs and all the trimmings of pickles, onions, tomatoes, etc. served with my potato salad, fresh strawberries and red grapes, and the chicken salad - which was mainly for me as I don't eat beef and the franks were Hebrew Nationals, and the burgers 100% black Angus. When it finally got dark we all went outside and watched Matt blow stuff up. I didn't last too long outside. The first thing I did when I walked outside was step into a spider web, then when I got my chair, June bugs kept flying into my head and hair. I just couldn't take it and came inside. Between the heat, humidity, bugs, loud noise and smoke, I was done. I've never been a huge 4th of July fan, stemming from the time that Bill Cox threw a M80 at me while he was drunk at my Uncle Albert's 4th of July party when I was about 11 and they were living at their Culver City house. I was deaf for a few hours and nobody cared - yes, that's my loving family. That kind of stunt turned me off from fireworks and the jerks that tend to throw them around. I have very bad associations with being close to them. Now, if I am watching sky fireworks from far away, I can appreciate it, but firecrackers and the like that are thrown or within 50 feet of me - no, I'll pass on those and keep my hearing thank you. Even the sky ones have gone crazy. One year at Danny and Michelle's house, a shell that Matt launched only made it some six to ten feet off the ground before it exploded and shot fire and sparks in all directions - including my face. That and the fact that hot shell casings rained down on my head have basically sealed fireworks' fate for me as nothing but dangerous and unfunny. I only watch them because Matt loves them so much. I am in a constant state of tension while they are being shot off, and the more people around the worse it is because that's just more people to become injured when one of those explosives goes off when it is not expected. Kansas fireworks are not the "SAFE AND SANE" brand of fireworks sold in California that I grew up with, oh no they are not! These fireworks are called BLACK CAT, and we are talking Roman Candles, and actual three explosive shells with launching tubes. Not just fountains, screamers, and spinners like in California. These are bottle rockets and all the stuff California outlawed like 20+ years ago. The stuff people in California go to Mexico to buy. No thanks, I'll pass.
Sunday, July 5th -We slept in as best we could. Matt's family went to Crystal Springs for church service and didn't come back until nearly noon. It was a quite morning with the children asleep upstairs. Matt and I watched the morning show on CBS and slowly woke up. We really did nothing this day but eat, play games, and generally relax. It was wonderful. Leftovers are wonderful!
Monday, July 6th - I had taken vacation and Matt had the day off work, so we planned on sleeping in. Well, my work called at 8:37am waking me up from a sleeping pill induced sleep - the best I had had in a month. It was something about needing me to review XYZ for PeopleSoft mass account update and yadda yadda. Well, I was off and on the Internet all day checking emails and answering questions and calling people etc. It FUCKED UP my whole day. Ruined it completely and put me in the WORST mood - very BLACK and ANGRY mood. I was basically 'on-call' and put in about three total hours of work while I "hurry up and waited" it out the rest of the time. I did manage to make a nice French Toast breakfast again for my family, since Deanna missed it the first time I made it earlier in the visit. I didn't get to participate in any of our family going-ons that day. We went to dinner at Applebee's for Michelle's birthday (it is July 13 but Matt's family won't be here). I got the absolutely awful vegetarian so-called pizza - spinach, tomatoes, mushrooms on a tortilla crust with asiago cheese. It was overly salty and nasty. Applebee's grills all of its stuff on the same grill so I can't order chicken because it will be grilled alongside of beef and I'll get sick. I loath the place, but it wasn't about me, it was Michelle's choice and she all Kyle love that chain restaurant *shrug* their young. If you like Applebee's - fine - but it is not for me. Mass produced, frozen and reheated food - Chilies, Fridays, Ruby Tuesday, Applebee's - they are all the same. I'd much rather go to a mom and pop whole in the wall place with original recipes and real fresh food. I did manage to start making my Bolognese sauce for Tuesday night’s dinner, and Matt went and picked up the 35th wedding anniversary cake I had ordered for his parents. We ate cake and they opened the two presents we got them – a 5 piece Japanese tea service (which unfortunately broke in shipping), and a two person sushi dish set. They love sushi and tea. When I had asked Matt what his parents liked, he answered, “Jesus, tea, and yelling.” So I focused on the tea part of his suggestion and the fact that I knew they also like sushi.
Tuesday, July 7th – I took this day off as well to spend with Matt’s family, but they took off to Wichita with the kids and went to Exploration Place to see the “Whales/Tohora” exhibit http://www.exploration.org/index.php and whatnot. So, Deanna and I had the house to ourselves this day. She played Rockband 2 and I paid bills and balanced the checkbook. I set out the Bolognese sauce and kept a watchful eye over it throughout the day. I also opened Amy’s two boxes of books she sent me this day. They arrived like Thursday or Friday but I hadn’t had the time or opportunity to open them. I started reading “The Portrait of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde.
Wednesday through Friday all I did was work really. I came home Wednesday night and made three abso-frickin’-lutely huge pizzas for the family. We still have some leftovers in the frige from those three monsters. Oh so yummy if I do say so myself. Piled sky high with fresh toppings – YUM! So – work work work and crap like that.
Matt’s parent when home on Thursday. I feel terrible that Wednesday night I was so tired I went to bed not even thinking about them leaving the next day. So, I totally forgot to hug and kiss them goodbye or thank them for all that they did. Bad daughter-in-law bad!
cheeky
happy
cool
celebratory
not sure
spacey