Mood:  energetic

It is Saturday morning and I have a whole day of activities ahead of me. I have already steam cleaned the tile floor in the bathroom and am soaking the toilet. All I need to do is put away our weekly/daily stuff we use and voila, the bathroom with be ‘guest’ presentable. Then, it is the kitchen that needs a thorough once over, and then dining, game room, and living room. The children and Matt should be up by then and I am putting them on emptying trash cans, dusting, and general straightening.

Robin, Floyd and their children are coming over around 4 pm and will be joining us for dinner. Their children are ages 7 and 9. Yes, both younger than ours, but I think Kyle and Michelle can handle that for a night. They just got a Wii for Christmas and are excited to play some of the new games we have on our Wii, like Lego Indiana Jones, and Mario Party, etc. I hope all goes well between the children.

Robin is a woman I work with downtown at the administration building of USD 259; she’s a purchasing agent. I’ve known her a little more than six years now, and have been to her home on at least four separate occasions, although, she has never been to mine. Floyd also works for USD 259 as a Food Service Driver Supervisor. He drives the food service trucks and organizes his staff. Matt worked with Floyd in 2003-04 when he was laid off at Cessna during the last economic downturn that really hit the aircraft industry. We’ve been out to dinner with Robin and Floyd once before for sushi at Sumo so, this shouldn’t be too awkward of an evening. We have the pool table and an awesome trash talking dartboard to play on with them while the kids immerse themselves with the Wii.

For dinner I am making at least three varieties of pizza:

1)      A super meat pizza (with turkey pepperoni, turkey bacon, and hamburger) with thin crust – Robin’s favorite – meat pie!

2)      A pepperoni pizza for the children should they not want the  super meat pie – also thin crust

3)      A onion, tomato, feta, olive, mushroom, chicken pizza with SUPER thick crust (for me!)

I need to send the kids or Matt down the street to the local grocery to pick up 2 two liter bottles of 7up and a navel orange so I can make Tang Punch. It’s a little sugary but doesn’t have caffeine, so hopefully the children won’t be bouncing off the walls TOO much. At least I can control the amount of sugar I use when making the Tang. It also makes one heck of a mixer for coconut rum or vodka! Luckily, I bought cups, plates, napkins, and maraschino cherries for today. What’s a punch or cocktail without citrus fruit or a cherry?

Right now, I am trying to decide what kind of nibble food I need to set up so when they get here at 4 pm they don’t starve until I serve dinner at 6 pm. Since we are having a lot of cheese with the pizza, I’d like to shy away from cheese and crackers, and since they aren’t vegetable people…hmmm, what I can serve? Chips and salsa would be good, but it can be messy, and the thought of a 7 year old trying to not get salsa all over my tan ultra suede chairs and couch just doesn’t sit well with me. I could make mini-quiche or tarts. I’ve got the philo dough, pastry, berries, and eggs. Bacon quiche, berry tarts, - OH, I have peanut butter and celery. Perhaps the children will like that? Colors – quiche is yellow, berry tarts are reddish purple, celery is green, peanut butter brown…OH, the punch is orange. I need a few more colors in there…maybe I will make spicy tuna melts. I need to use the remaining mushrooms today, so, I’ll make those – at least I know Matt likes them. Okay – I think I have the snackie pooh menu for eight down:

• Mini-quiche – bacon & eggs (a dozen)
• Mini-tarts – mixed berries (a dozen)
• Celery filled with peanut butter (and a few cream cheese ones)
• A dozen spicy tuna melts
• A dozen stuffed mushrooms

That should be colorful enough and provide a good variety. I wonder, do I have any red grapes left? A quick roll through some blue cheese…hmmm…well, off I go.

Mood:  incredulous

Racist pricks annoy me to no end.

We (my husband and I) get almost daily forwards of terribly Republican (now not sensible, well throughout GOP related material but super right wing fear and hate mongering), Religious, or Racist emails from some asshole that my husband used to work with at TECT. This idiot believes just about every Urban Myth debunked by Snopes.com and is one of those stupid sheep-people that forwards emails that are so co amazingly culturally insensitive I have had it! Now, he sends these to my husband’s old email address that we share for joint correspondence with family members so they don’t have to send it to multiple emails. As this was once Matt’s personal email, he still gets emails from “his” past associates.

Well, this redneck, aircraft working, brain-dead fuck up, Keith, keeps sending awful forwards full of hate on just about everyone – Muslims seem to be his choice today. I have deleted his emails time and again, and have chosen to not read them. Yet, sometimes, when I am reading emails on the account and hit the next button, it brings up one of his emails.

 Yesterday, he ‘graced’ us with two emails which I promptly deleted after they nearly burned my retinas with their hate filled rhetoric. The first was on the stimulus package and taxes, the second was on some supposed meeting of various religious leaders at a prison that was held to try and convert prisoners from a life of crime to a more productive and religious way of life. Well, it totally slammed Islam. It made it seem like all Muslims are jihadist. It took things from the Koran and blew them WAY proportion and taking them out of context. It made the assumption that ALL Muslims were believers in the extreme stuff spouted by Bin Laden. It was a giant Muslim bashing email and I exploded! Why must I be subjected to his hate mongering? The email lambasted not just Muslims but Arabs stating that all of them were terrorists and that all terrorists were Arabs. Excuse me? What the fuck was Timothy McVeigh? Or Ted Kaczynski? Or suspect U.S. scientist Bruce E. Ivins? Are those men not Caucasian American citizens that performed acts of terrorism against other American citizens? Bruce Ivins even tried to frame Arabs in his anthrax scare mailings!

*sigh* This email was so filled with stereotypes and generalizations of all kinds I felt sick to my stomach. I deleted it and wished there was some process for not merely deleting it, but exploding it. You know, like some button I could push on my keyboard that would cause this filth ridden piece of shit to be blown into a million pieces and for a hand to reach out of Keith’s screen and rip his testicles off. Yes, that’s how mad I was, and this blog is helping me to get rid of my rage.

Now, I have told Matt that I do want to have anything to do with this person, and that he is never to be invited to our home. I understand that Matt has not blocked him from our email account because Keith still worked for TECT. Matt asked him to stop sending us this crap. Now, Keith has retired from TECT, and well, today I took the step myself. I BLOCKED HIM. I will never have to hear another narrow-minded, sexist, racist, misogynistic email from this lame excuse of a human being again!

Mood:  mischievious

To what am I addicted? That’s been an ever changing topic my whole life.

1. I am of course addicted to good food – explains a LOT of things about me.
2. I wouldn’t say that I was addicted to sex, like needing rehab or anything, but I really love it, and it was one of the MAJOR reasons I couldn’t stay with my first husband. 
3. Totally addicted to Coca Cola. I can go as much as three days without one right now. There was a time when I could go months without out. 1999 – 2002 during my vegetarian health kick it wasn’t a part of my life at all. I just love the taste, the bubbles, everything about Coca Cola! I don’t care if it can dissolve a raw beef patty, save your diatribes!
4. I am utterly addicted to hard rock and the psychedelic rock scenes, utterly and completely. I would do just about anything to have Jerry Garcia and Vince Welnick alive again so I could go to Dead shows and spin, laugh, throw marshmellows and hang with my other veggie burrito lovin’ crew. I think I would enjoy it much more now than I did back then without the ever gloomy and disapproving presence of my ex-husband always being the constant downer when I started to spin. I can’t wait until Nickleback, Hinder, Godsmack, or Cold come to town so I can get wild and thrash around screaming, head banging, fist pumpin and sweating to some hard driving sounds. Where or where are you Disturbed? Come play Wichita so I can ‘Get Down with the Sickness’! When will the Chili Peppers tour again Hey Oh! 
5. Sometimes, I think I am addicted to my husband. Seriously, I hurt if I don’t see him for like twelve hours. I walk in the back door and embrace him each night and get my Matt fix. If it is more than twelve hours I start getting down, moody, and surly to say the least. In six years, the first time we didn’t spend the night together was when I went to San Diego in September 2008 to help move my Grandmother to Texas. It was a living hell. I was so upset and distraught by our three day separation I was hardly able to cope and help my mother deal with my grandmother’s needs. There were many times I was close to snapping at my mom, brother and cousins for no apparent reason other than I desperately missed my husband’s cheery disposition and calming, mellow, pragmatic attitude.
6. Alcohol? No, not at this time in my life, but I could easily have become addicted to it from about 1991 to 1994 when I was seriously partying in college. I know this because at a party at “Los Guys” one night I brought a bottle of tequila for the ‘party’ like to go in a group mixer or something. Well it ended up not getting used. I crawled to my truck the next morning to drive home, with the beginnings of a very bad hangover, and was about six blocks from the house about to get on the 118 freeway when I realized I had left the bottle, turned around, and pounded on the door of “Los Guys” until Mike Arrasmith answered the door in his underwear. I pushed my way in to get my tequila afraid that Jeff (Barf) would drink it. I proceeded to drive home, open the bottle and continue partying with my roommates drinking tequila sunrises – thus avoiding the true hangover *wink*. Yeah. This is one of the many reasons I stopped partying with CSUN people and quickly switched vices to something less liver killing! 

So, am I an addict? Perhaps, yes, I am addicted to the things I listed above – at least to the ones I definitely admitted to being my vices.

I have shed quite a few, especially in the last six or seven years, and I am thankful to Matt & Shurree for helping me do that. I think I was addicted to the Wheel of Time for a while there. When book 12 comes out, I’ll have to test myself.

One thing is for certain…I am addicted to the truth.

Mood:  hungry

Ultimate Spaghetti Bolognese

This is one of those recipes I picked up on my travels in Europe and have modified only slightly – mainly due to my faulty memory. Trust me though, this is a keeper! It combines the delicious meat based sauce of Bologna with the lovely durum wheat pasta from Naples.

1 – 1 ½ ground pork sausage
1 small yellow onion, diced
2 small cans of tomato paste
1 tablespoon minced garlic
2 tablespoons grated parmesan cheese
1 bottle red wine *see note below
1 cup of water

1 tablespoon Italian seasoning

2 bay leaves

1 sprig fresh thyme

Salt to taste

¼ cup of extra virgin olive oil

In a very large skillet, brown the pork sausage. Add the diced yellow onion to the browned sausage just as it finishes browning and cook until the onions are nearly clear. Add the tomato paste and continue until the tomato sauce is ‘browned’. Be sure to stir and scrape the pan often. You can add about half of the olive oil at this time if the mixture seems too dry, but the mixture should not be soupy at this point, it should be browned and firm-ish.

Add between a third to a half of the bottle of wine. Simmer and reduce over a low heat – about 30 minutes at the very least.

After it has been reduced, it is the time to taste the sauce, adding the garlic, parmesan cheese, salt, and Italian seasoning. The amounts I have listed are estimations. It depends on the wine that is used how much spice is really necessary.

After you’ve added the loose spices, add the remaining amount of the wine, stirring everything together and scraping the sides and bottom of the skillet. At this time, add about half the water. Also add the bay leaves and sprig of thyme. Simmer and reduce again – again about 30 minutes at the very least.

Boil your spaghetti for 12 minutes in salted water.

After you’ve simmered and reduced you should have a thick dark red to brown sauce. Add the cooked spaghetti to the large skillet and cook the spaghetti in the sauce, turning the pasta so that it is coated thoroughly in the sauce.

Serve pasta with a little extra sauce, parmesan cheese, and toasted crusty herb & butter bread. The sauce will be very rich and the bread will most certainly be needed to sop up the delicious juices.

*Note on wine: Use a Shiraz (Sryah), Shiraz Cabernet, or a Cabernet between 8 and 10 years old for best results.

On the whole - the simmering, browning, etc takes roughly one and a half hours in this reciepe. Often though, I find the longer the simmering the better. Just add water and taste again and again. You MUST taste the sauce as it cooks or you not come away with the desired results.

Mood:  cool

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 films, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list, go to your own facebook account, paste this as a note.

(X) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(X) Grease
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
(X) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(X) Neverending Story
(X) Blazing Saddles
(X) Airplane
Total so far: 8

(X ) The Princess Bride
(X) Anchorman
(X) Napoleon Dynamite
(X) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management (I walked out on this – does it count?)
(X) 50 First Dates
( ) The Princess Diaries
( ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 13

( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(X) American Pie
(X) American Pie 2
(X) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 16

(X) Harry Potter 1
(X)Harry Potter 2
(X) Harry Potter 3
(X) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
(X) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
( ) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 21

(X) Finding Nemo
( X) Finding Neverland
( ) Signs
( ) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( X) White Chicks
( X) Butterfly Effect
(X ) 13 Going on 30
( X) I, Robot
( ) Robots
Total so far: 27

( X) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( X) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( X) Along Came Polly
() Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(X ) Never Been Kissed
(X) Meet The Parents
(X) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( X) Joe Dirt
() KING KONG
Total so far: 34

() A Cinderella Story
( X) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
( ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( X) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(X) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
() Flubber
Total so far: 37

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(X) Practical Magic
( ) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(X) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
(X) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 40

( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(X) Nightmare on Elm Street
(X ) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
( ) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 42

(X ) Bad Boys
( X) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
(X) Ocean's Eleven
(X) Ocean's Twelve
( X) Bourne Identity
( X) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
(X ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(X) Ice Age
( X) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 51

(X) Independence Day
(X) Cujo
(X ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(X) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
( X) Maid in Manhattan
(X) War of the Worlds
( X) Rush Hour
( X) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 59

( ) Best Bet
(X ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( X) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(X) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
() Event Horizon
() Ever After
(X) Wizard of Oz
(X) Forrest Gump
(X) Big Trouble in Little China
(X) The Terminator
(X) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 67

(X ) X-Men
(X ) X-2
(X ) X-3
(X ) Spider-Man
(X ) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
(X) The Little Mermaid
(X) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
(X ) The Hot Chick
(X ) Shrek
(X) Shrek 2
Total so far: 77

( ) Swimfan
(X) Miracle on 34th street
( X) Old School
(X) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
() A Walk to Remember
(X) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(X ) The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 82

(X) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(X) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(X) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(X) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(X) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(X) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 88

( ) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
( ) Elf
(X ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 89

( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(X ) Monsters Inc.
(X) Titanic
(X) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
( ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 92

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
( ) Dawn Of the Dead
(X) Hook
(X) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) 28 days later
(X) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
() Waterworld
Total so far: 95

() Kill Bill vol 1
( ) Kill Bill vol 2
( ) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
() Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
( ) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 95

(X) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(X) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(X) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(X) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(X) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(X)Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 101

(X) The Matrix
(X) The Matrix Reloaded
(X) The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
( ) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
(X) Silence of the Lambs
( ) Hannibal
Total: 105

Yeah, apparently I don’t have a life or something? I think the person who wrote this is most likely a teenager and thus hasn’t really had a life yet. You really can’t get into your late thirties without seeing over 85 movies can you? I have more movies that this in my private VHS and DVD collection. There are tons of movies than are not on this list and entire decades of films that have been missed. Not one Brando film on this list, and sorely lacking in Mel Brooks and Tom Cruise!

Mood:  lazy

92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake.
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.

Mood:  bright

I am trying to be deeper and grounded during this wildly busy season, but honestly, I just can’t seem to be as serious and focused as I should probably be at this point and time of the year. With last Thursday’s meeting behind me and a short two day week before I am off for five days, I am finding it hard to keep my mind on my work. Yes, there is the second biweekly payroll to review, correct,  approve and post. Of course, I haven’t done my monthly journal entries yet. The final invoices for the federal draw down of funds, well, that’s only 90% complete. I still have the afternoon and tomorrow to complete them, so I am not worried.

What’s distracting me really? Well, I need to go shopping tonight for Thanksgiving dinner. Matt’s given me the $15 coupon from his work that pays for the turkey and such, so I need to go to Dillons (Kroger) to spend it not to Aldi or someplace else. I wish they would have just given him a check rather than a gift certificate, but alas, they must think that people would blow it on cigarettes or booze or something other than food. Oh well, that’s $15 I don’t have to spend out of my own pocket – so step away gift horse so I don’t go probing for cavities. Still, putting together a shopping list is what’s distracting me. I don’t know if Joey’s girlfriend is coming to dinner. Joey said that he was and she is attempting to get the night off. I do not know what Tony is doing for dinner on Thursday. As he and Crystal will probably be getting divorced, I don’t think he is going up to Nebraska. I shouldn’t make that assumption, but Matt didn’t ask him to dinner. I would lay odds that Matt doesn’t want Tony’s “girlfriend” to come. With the children there, it would be inappropriate for a still married man to bring his “girlfriend”.

Anyway, I wanted to keep dinner simple. Okay are you laughing right now? Anyone that truly knows me would be laughing right now. See, this is what’s hard. How do I not go all out? I am going to make a turkey (my favorite item at Thanksgiving) with my apple-onion stuffing (Kyle’s favorite), cream cheese corn (Michelle’s favorite), green bean casserole (Matt’s favorite), my famous mashed potatoes (Joey’s favorite), and my homemade red grape ginger cranberry sauce (my 2^nd favorite). When I asked Kaitlyn what her favorite was, she just meekly said, all of it. I don’t think she is totally comfortable to tell me she loves X item because then I’ll want to make it for her…like candied yams. I am not making them this year, nor am I setting out vegetable crudités. Dessert is going to be my homemade pumpkin pie and pecan pie with real whipped cream, served with mulled apple cider or hot buttered rum; rum for the adults, cider for the minors. Yes, folks, that’s not all out Thanksgiving. Oops, I forgot I am making rolls too, but I am not making any cranberry or zucchini bread this year, and like I already said, no candied yams, no baked beans, no carrot cake or cranberry ginger ale. Well, maybe cranberry ginger ale punch, if the kids want it, but if they want sparkling grape juice instead, I’ll go with that. I have been very tempted to make sugar cookies, the cookie cutters are down and they are tempting me. Away, you mechanisms of delicious cookie goodness! I have these adorable pumpkin and turkey shaped cutters that I would love to make cookies with, so then I could frost them decorating them with our names and place them on each person’s plate so they know the seating assignment; too corny or too cutie pie? Edible name tags, you see? Okay are you scowling at me now?

So, I have Wednesday off with the children and we are going to clean the house, bake the pies, and maybe the cookies, and make gingerbread houses. We aren’t going to decorate for Christmas. I actually asked Matt if we could skip all the crap this year since we are going to my Aunt’s house this year and he said yes. Joy!.

I haven’t purchased the children’s gifts yet as I don’t know what their grandparents are getting them and do not want to have duplicates such as the case with Kayla last year. Did you get that, Dad, what are you buying the kids?

As for my presents, they are sitting in huge boxes in the game room. I don’t know if Matt is going to wrap them or not. Matt’s presents are all here, I believe. I need to double check on that. They are sitting on the pool table still in their boxes. I need to wrap my gifts for Linda – I’m her secret Santa. No, I am not worried that she’ll read this, she hardly knows I exist and probably could give a rat’s butt about what I would say on a blog. She’s the big boss lady, why would she care about me.

Lunch is drawing to a close, so I better post this essay before I lose track of time and the office nosy comes snooping around our doors to see if we are working.

Mood:  bright

It is lunch time and I am at my desk chowing down on a wonderful lunch that I made which I am very pleased with if I do say so myself. A beautiful salad (my own homemade dressing) with grilled chicken, parm cheese, cucumbers, red onions and mini-roma tomatoes and garlic bread croutons. I am also having some very ripe and wonderfully juicy fresh pineapple! Weee, I love this stuff. Top that off with an orange Sunkist soda and it is one of those perfect lunches for the moment.

See - here's the situation. I have a meeting at 2pm (god awful time to schedule a 2 hour meeting) but that is the only time a conference room was available and I am the principal presenter. I need to be up and lively. The information that I am speaking on is regulatory law. Joy of all joys for those people who are lawyers and love this stuff. I have no problem with regulatory law since I have been working on it since 1996 and understanding it is like falling off a log for me after 12 years of using it and explaining it to people. The 35 or more attendees at my Grant Management meeting today are not lawyers, nor are they people such as myself who enjoy law. They are current or former teachers who now manage our district grants or they are bookkeepers (not CPAs) former secretaries that learned through trial and error how to do bookkeeping.

I am speaking on two Codes of Federal Regulation (CFR). 2 CFR which covers grants, and 34 CFR (aka EDGAR) which covers the US Department of Education. When I worked for the Indian Tribe in CA, I had to know a whole bunch more on CFRs - the one that covers Tribes, another one for HUD, another for EPA, another for HUD, another for DOT, another for DOI, another for FEMA, etc. So, only having to focus on two today is kind of a "gift horse" compared to what I once did. I have downloaded copies of the various subparts I am going to be speaking on, and hopefully will not have to resort to reading the regulations to them verbetium. I'd much rather point out the highlights, emphasis best practices for implementing the regulations and understanding of the spirit of the laws.

Beside the federal regulations governing grants that can be found in CFRs, I am going to be speaking on the Government Accountability Office (GOA) requirements known as Chapter 2, section 16.8(c)...can you say "weeeee"? Yeah, definitions used by government employees that will be auditing us. Our employees need to know these definitions so when they speak with the federal monitors they understand what the feds are saying. Add to that Office of Management & Budget (OMB) Circulars A-87 (which was recently codified into 2 CFR Part 215) and OMB Circular A-133 & its Compliance Supplement and I think my meeting attendees might go suicidal on me.

If that weren't enough, I have to cover the state statutes and guidance manuals as well as our own Board of Education policies. You think that our own employees would know the policies that they are employeed under, but sadly, no they do not. Our new Director of Grants & Development Services has been working tirelessly to get all of this information on our district portal for grants, but I doubt these people are paying attention to all his work.

One blessing - no PowerPoint. I do not like to do PowerPoint presentations if I can avoid them. The handouts they produce are worthless. I supply the meeting attendees with my outline and notes I am speaking from and tell them to follow along and take notes. I use my overhead projector and laptop to bring items onto the screen the emphasize what I am speaking about. Cute little slides with bulletpoints are just too annoying for me to deal with during this type of a meeting.

Handouts galore for this meeting though - grrr, not my first choice, but this is a response to an auditor's comments and well...here's the situation.

Our audit went so well they couldn't find one thing wrong. The sampled 25% of our transactions since we are a low risk auditee and found nothing to be out of compliance, no fraud, we were fabulous! Auditors, though, have to prove their worth, and since nobody is perfect, they couldn't say that we were. They have GOT to find something. Now, listen, if you audited us and you found no material weaknesses, reportable conditions or significant deficiencies shouldn't that be enough. Well, no, not for these auditors. They decided to go full force into Compliance Testing. Which means, they couldn't find anything financial wrong with our transactions, so now they are going to look at our procedures and internal control stuff. Well, they didn't find anything and they left the end of October. We thought we were done.

Last week though, an auditor contacted one of my grant managers who is over a Type A program (big money) and asked her how she verified if the vendors she used in her grant weren't suspended or debarred from receiving federal dollars. The grant manager called me freaked out. I answered that under 34 CFR Part 80.35 and 80.36 that we couldn't give a subgrant or a contract to anyone that was on this list BUT that it wasn't the grant manager or I that checked on vendors it was our Purchasing agents that had to do this. It is a requirement in the regulations. Now, here is the thing. That grant has maybe four vendors used as a majority of the money is spent on hiring teachers, not paying contracted vendors. None of the vendors the grant used where debarred or suspended. This was not the issue. The issue was the Purchasing dept didn't have a procedure in place for checking the federal website to check if the vendors were on the government's debarred and suspended list. So, there is a risk there, since Purchasing isn't doing anything.

This is not a material weakness per se, as the district hasn't provided funds to debarred or suspended vendors, but because the Purchasing dept doesn't have a standardized procedure, we could accidently use a barred vendor and violate the regulations at 34 CFR Part 80.35 & 80.36.

I knew the regulations were there and have known for years, but training the Purchasing department on their own procedures is not within my realm of influance. They are in the Operations Division and I am Financial Services and if I were to try and tell somebody elses employees what they should do or not do, well, I think I would be crossing a line that I shouldn't cross. One time I mentioned a Purchasing policy in one of these grant management meetings and had a not so nice email whipped off at me from the Division Director. That was five years ago and he and I are cool now - he's one of my Facebook friends, but still, I do not mention Purchasing policy or procedures in my grant workshops. That's a fine line to walk and I am not about to try and tap dance on that line like I know all of their policies. Besides, they are Purchasing agents with licenses and go to their own trainings and whatnot, and they make FAR more money than I do. They should know their stuff and not have to hear it from me - someone not in their Division and beneath them in paygrade. So, this has lead to a comment from the auditors that will be addressed in the management letter of the audit.

Still - because of all this audit bullshit and the vendor question, it has been suggested (although not said outright) that I need to crack down on my people and slam some hardcore regulations into them so next year when the auditors are digging for something my people won't freak out and cause a stir, and can respond to the question calmly.

Thank goodness for fresh pineapple! I am going to need all the energy to keep this meeting alive and moving forward. I wish I knew how to juggle and do magic tricks.