This morning while searching through my dresser I came across a CD that I've had for over ten years, nearly 13. It is a CD of piano instrumentals written and performed by a former boyfriend/love from my youth (age 16). It kind of blew me away seeing it there in my dresser drawer next to my good jewelry. I've kept it as one of the last things Brian ever gave me. I have but one picture of us together, the very same that I had put in my Sr. yearbook on my half page in the back. I had kept all of his love letters to me until I married Matt, and I threw them away, moving on with my life in early 2003. *Note* I kept those letters even though I married Mike Arrasmith! LOL - now that is telling. I would bet a silver dollar if there was a love meter out there I loved Brian more than I ended up loving Mike Arrasmith!
Anyway, I love my husband, Matt, more than I love any other person in the world (yeah, I think I can say that even including my family), and those letters just reminded me of how much I hurt Brian (blogged on that back in September 2008) and lost him as a friend, and oddly enough, they reminded me of my bad choices with men - loosing Brian, getting engaged to Jack, marrying Mike.
Well, now that there is such a thing as Facebook, and that CD planted Brian's name in my brain this morning, I went searching for him. Three short clicks and BAM there he was, Brian Neumann. My guts twisted and memories flooded back to me: the homecoming football game for John Muir High School at the Rose Bowl in 1988; dinner with his parents at that wonderful Mexican restaurant; his brother's space mural on the bedroom wall; listening to him play the piano.
One of the best memories of age 16 I have was the implusive decision I made to meet Brian at the airport when he was coming home from basic training from Ft Sill, Oklahoma. I remember that I asked Jenny Gallegos and Leo Wagoner to help me. Leo and Jenny gave me a ride to the airport. I remember what I was wearing too - a full length red circle skirt, and a white ribbed blouse with red, yellow, and blue shooting stars, and white keds with white bobby socks. I was so incredibly excited, I can remember sweating up a storm and my pulse racing like I was going to have a heart attack. I knew the flight number and the airline, and I waited across from the gate wondering if he'd see me first or I'd see him first or what. Wow, what a crazy memory. So sweet and naive I was then - if I do say so myself.
I remember bringing Brian home to meet my mother and step-father and taking him to a football game at my high school. We had such little time together before he went off to North Carolina to Fort Bragg. It was a whirlwind, and I don't think I could have asked for more fun.
And now, well, I sent him a Friend Request on Facebook. Amazing it would be to get in touch after all this time. I wrote him a little message, too, hoping he'd remember me. I wonder if he will. I don't know how big an effect I had on him - we were so young and all. It's been so long, and I don't know if he has thought of me in forever and a day, or if he, unlike me, kept my letters. Probably not. Last I heard from him he was married too.
Well, I'll just have to wait until I get home and check Facebook to see if he's accepted my Friend request. Simply incredible to reach out and "click someone" after all these years. If he doesn't repond, or doesn't remember then, oh well, but what if he does accept the Friend Request? Do I bring him up to speed with so much that has happened? I wonder how he is, and if he's happy. I sure do hope he is. He deserves it.