Mood:
don't askTopic: Assholes Do Vex Me
Good morning starshine, the earth says “Hello”!
Yes, it is the early morning and I am awake and starting the day with a bagel & cream cheese, and nice cold oj. Hopefully I will be fully awake by the time this post is written. As I do on most days, I get up, check email on both accounts, and listen to Bob & Tom before going to work.
Work has been interesting and actually nice lately. Things are a tad slower than normal; either that, or I have finally caught up on everything and have it all down to a quick routine. That would be nice if it were totally true. I am kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. The new budgeting module should be into Production by the end of the month and I fear I am going to be pulled from my work to help with testing and implementation. I don’t mind as the rest of the staff helped me when it was Projects & Grants turn for implementation. Still, I dislike being behind on my work.
I got pretty pissed off at my ex-husband last night. Actually, it was more disappointed and disgusted. He paid bills very late. He was supposed to hold me harmless according the divorce decree from 2002, yet he hasn’t. I went out and got new loans to take over the old loans and remove his name from everything I took on with the divorce. In return, I basically got nothing – no equity, no house, nothing of value except my car. If he really wanted to, he could sell the house for twice what we paid for it, pay off all his debt and start his life over. Did he? No. He said he would close the accounts, remove my name, and write to the credit companies to make sure they know I had nothing to do with his late payments. Did he? No. Not that I can tell. He’s screwed with my credit rating. If it weren’t for him and all his mistakes…I swear, he’ll haunt me the rest of my days. All I want is to be rid of him.
I don’t remember if I’ve blogged on this before, but my life was terrible before I left my ex-husband. He constantly put me down and complained about everything I did and about me. Nothing was ever good enough for him. Most of our money went to pay for his wants and desires. He paid for his school on credit cards as well as student loans and we were stuck paying them at ungodly interest rates. He didn’t let me get involved with the finances. You all know by now I am a budget analyst. Well, I was a financial officer then. I never felt I could buy anything without him being disapproving – anything! He even disparaged my grocery shopping.
He embarrassed me constantly in front of people. Craigen’s New Year Eve’s party and Thanksgiving are merely two times I can point to where he treated me poorly in front of ‘our’ supposed friends. People have told me they couldn’t believe the way he spoke to me. Both Bruce and TallChief couldn’t stand the way he talked to me, and they got to see me cry when he yelled at me over the phone while I was at work. I tried to be loving to him and he said I mothered him.
I had THREE jobs and worked a minimum of 48 hours a week. He had one that paid FAR LESS than my jobs, and he set his own hours. He left after me, and came home whenever he wanted.
I always tried to encourage him to finish his bachelors degree, but he never would. He was five credits from his degree and wouldn’t finish it. It is like he was afraid or something. I think that he is. Afraid to complete anything, afraid to commit what is necessary to achieve a goal.
You know, he told me he married me because he knew if he didn’t I would leave him eventually. He didn’t love me – not that way. He wasn’t in love with me. He loved me like a friend. He wasn’t interested in me sexually. I was too fat, too big, not athletic enough. So why FUCK did he marry me? He could have broken up with me and I would have been fine eventually.
But NO! We got married and he had to treat me like SHIT for years before I left him. Talk about a chicken shit with no balls. I gave everything for him…EVERYTHING. He didn’t a shit about me or care at all.
He once wrote a journal entry on our computer. I got that computer in the divorce and I finally read what he wrote. He admitted in the entry that he was mean to me and didn’t treat me as I should be treated…in 1998! What a fuck head!
He never cared that I gradually became more and more depressed. He never cared that I cried. He never cared that I was lonely because he spent all his time with his own stuff in his workshop. When I did get involved in something that I liked – like creative writing short stories online, he was disdainful of it.
Well, I feel sorry for any woman that gets involved with him. His parents are the worst example of a marriage. His father is overbearing and his mother is desperate to be loved so she puts up with anything. It stems from her abandonment in childhood. So, they raised a misogynist. Mike has no respect for women. He can’t respect his mother, so how can he respect any woman? No matter what he does, he will always be a schmuck.
Before me in 1992, it had been FIVE years since he slept with a woman. I was his first real serious relationship. He had dated this one girl who moved to Boston, but that was five years before me.
He may be disdainful about my body, but I have never lacked for companionship or love. Men love me, because I know how to love and respect someone.
Mike will wander the personal ads forever looking for something to fuck him. Oh, some dupe may fall for him, but she’ll rue the day she met that bastard. He’s a bottomless pit of pessimism, narcissism, pettiness, and sarcasm. He is not a pleasant person to be around for any length of time.
I had hoped I could remain friends with him, but there is apparently no way I can put behind all that he did to me, especially since he is still doing it to me the fucker!