Mood:  cool

Perhaps it is because I am a financial analyst; or I understand how to plan and budget; or it is because I can be very rational when I need to be - I am just not unnerved by this recession. Additionally, I can feel secure in my job (it would take two people to do all the work I do and they couldn't find anyone with my experience and expertise) and I live within my means - WAY within my means.

Recently there has been layoffs at Matt's work and 50 people were cut. Matt's still there and I am sure he will be kept on for the very real fact that he is just too good of an employee to loose. He is cross-trained in at least three or four different areas so they can move him around and he can cover lots of various tasks. Additionally, we live here in town near his work, and if they were going to cut people, they'd cut Wichita people first, as Wellington couldn't take much of a cut and this company would really piss people off if they laid off Wellington people rather than Wichita people.

Still, people at Matt's work are anxious and its been very tense for him there lately. So, to give him a sense of security, I sat down and showed him on a spreadsheet (yes, I am spreadsheet crazy) just how we could make all of our bills and obligations on just my salary; yes, just my salary and him not even receiving unemployment benefits, which of course he would get if he were to be laid off. I itemized all of our bils and put down what the minimum payments we would have to make to keep things a float. We of course would have to cancel NetFlix and the Credit Protection/Privacy Protection Plan I have on all our accounts, and we'd go back to being on a budget for our Food and Entertainment like the lean years when we first got married. Even with all that, we'd end up with $160 of fudge room in case a budgeted expense was higher one month or another. AND, we'd still have all of our Flexspending dollars to pay for medical related things.

Luckily for us, I paid off all of our credit cards in August when I foresaw this crisis in the credit market and stock market coming to a head. I don't put anything on the credit card that I am not sure if I can pay off before the due date - thus sparing any interest charges. I treat it more like a charge card then a credit card. There is a difference and not many people understand that. Like the AMEX card that you once had to pay off monthly that has now gone the way of credit cards - I treat our cards that way. Christmas, holidays, gifts - it is cash in hand or we don't buy it. This year, I paid off my student loans early - done in August - yes, same foresight.

Currenlty, we are making $780.63 in additional interest payments to our home mortgage and Matt's student loan. At this rate, our 30 year mortgage will be paid in 7 years, saving us $96K in interest, and Matt's student loan will be paid off in another 8 years, saving us $7,427.79 interest AND ending our financial relationship with his ex-wife at the same time the child support obligation to her will stop.

I am looking forward to being completely out of debt at age 44. We'll be able to put our mortgage payment, child support payment, and student loan payment into a ROTH IRA every month until we meet the maximum allowable investment and the remainder can then go into various long term CD's and money market accounts...meanwhile, both of us will still be contributing to our company plans - mine KPERS (Kansas Public Employee Retirement System) and Matt's Merrill Lynch 401K.

I'm not worried. I have a plan. I always have a plan because that is what I do. I am a financial planner, and I am ready. I am certainly not asking for Matt to get laid off, but I am also not going to become overly frightened with all the media hype and bullshit they are scaring people with everyday on the news.

My advice to you people out there: stop buying things on credit, put yourself on a realistic budget, don't open your 401K plan statements, and if you are worried - go get a part-time job flipping burgers or stocking shelves. Get rid of your cellphone, your cable TV, your cigarettes. Start spending some time at home with your family reading, playing games, and taking care of your house. Scrapbook your family photos using real scraps - no need to buy manufactured stuff at the craftstore, do what real scrapbookers did - cut things out of magazines, newspapers, and odds and ends. File all your personal papers, organize your closet - you don't need to play that round of golf, or pay $10 for a movie per person plus junk food. Make all your meals from scratch at home and be frugal.

My mother-in-law is the queen of frugality, and although I don't can all my own vegetables, fruit, pickles, and meat like she does - most of which she grows or buys from local farmers, I do know how to economize. Read the book "Living Well on a Shoestring" and learn something about recycling, reusing, and presurving items and repairing them rather than just buying new stuff.

I think this recession was clear and necessary. Four years ago when I was looking to buy our house, I new we needed to get in one before the credit market hit the fan AND I new that our only hope was with an ARM. We got in and paid off as much as we could, bettered our credit rating as much as we could, then refinanced with a 30 year traditional mortgage August 2007 at a sweet rate. This country was headed for a setback financially. It was VERY clear. When my father told me he was buying a house with zero interest the same time I was looking for our house, it confirmed it for me. I tried to explain to him that it wasn't zero interest...it was deferred interest. The cost just gets put off and then you have higher payments later that you can't afford. I begged him not to do it, but he did. He got out in the nick of time and didn't loose money, but he now admits that I was right and he shouldn't have bought that house with that mortgage. How many other people where doing that same thing? Millions. My father is an average Joe, and if he was doing it, it meant to me that in two to three years things were going to explode in the financial markets that held mortgages. I got in and planned my mortgage and got out just in time, like I planned.

So, am I rubbing people's noses in this? Maybe. Am I saying I am smarter financially than the average person - why yes, I am. I am a financial analyst, that's what I do, people, please. I've had two friends recently go through bankruptcy and they have degrees in Accounting! My degree is in Music and all that I have learned about economics and finance has come from my years of working my way through college doing accounting, and from managing budgets for the Tribe I worked for, and for Wichita Public Schools. I have also listened to National Public Radio's nightly MarketPlace report at 5:30PM for more than seven years. I pay attention and observe. I learned the hard way from my ex-husband who couldn't manage money and nearly ruined me. He took care of the finances - why - I can't explain all that right now. Still, a degree in finance doesn't mean squat if you ignore the obvious.

America is in a recession - which is basically a financial hangover for 25 years of absolute excess in consummerism. It is time to pay the piper for living beyond the nation's means.

Mood:  lucky

Stuffed Chicken Soup 

2 large cans of cooked chicken or

2 cups of leftover cooked chicken

1 large can of cream of chicken soup

½ cup of milk

1 bag or box of stuffing mix

½ cup of diced celery

½ cup of diced white or yellow onion

¼ cup of diced garlic

½ cup of butter (cubed)

In a large non-metal mixing or casserole bowl, combine chicken, milk and soup, mixing thoroughly. Slowly add in the stuffing continuing to stir until all the chicken mixture has been absorbed by the stuffing. Then, mix in the celery, onion, and garlic.

Place bowl in a microwave for 3 minutes on high. Remove from microwave and stir. Contents of the bowl should be steaming or at least hot.

This can be served as is or, if you prefer the crunchy part of stuffing, as my family does, then place in an oven heated to 325¢ª until the top gets the desired crunchiness which typically takes 10 to 15 minutes at the most. My family also prefers several pats of butter on the top of the stuffing while in the oven.

Meanwhile, make a salad while this is in the oven and a yummy dinner will be done in less than 20 minutes.

Mood:  caffeinated

Super Spicy Tuna Melts

Preparation & Cooking Time: 30 minutes

24 appetizer servings

2 cans of tuna in water

3 heaping tablespoons of mayonnaise

¼ cup of red chili sauce - Thai variety

1 heaping tablespoon of minced garlic

1 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese

Diced green onion

24 slices of cocktail rye bread

Combine all ingredients except the green onion and bread. Spread the tuna mixture on the cocktail rye bread and sprinkle with diced green onions. Bake at 350º for 10 to 12 minutes or until tuna and cheese are cooked and bubbly.

Mood:  happy

2 large Portobello mushrooms

1 heaping tablespoon of garlic

1 tablespoon of Italian seasoning

2 cups red wine (merlot, chianti, whatever)

Before you leave for work in the morning combine all the ingredients in a Ziploc bag and let it marinate in the fridge while your gone. When you come home pour the contents into a wok and cook with the lid on for 10 minutes. If you have the barbecue going or you have a grill top, you can grill the mushrooms, while using a pastry or marinade brush to coat them again with the wine mixture.

The mushrooms will come out soft and juicy like fine meat. Serve them with a soft cheese like chevre or feta and some toasted garlic bread. One mushroom cap is a perfect appetizer for two. Two caps serves four or five.

You can also cut them and make a sandwich on toast. If you make a sandwich, spread the cheese on the bread, and cook some sliced onion in the wine mixture, adding a teaspoon of butter. A mushroom, onion, and cheese sandwich is very filling.

Mood:  bright

I was in line to vote this morning before the polls opened. One hour after my wait began I got to the polling machine to cast my vote. It felt historic and energy in the room was high. The woman next to me was one of the first people to get to the machines, but apparently she was writing in a lot of names on the local ballots and it was taking her a long time. Seriously, she was at the machine a good 45 minutes. I voted and started to leave and she was still at the machine. Oh well.

There was no person on the ballot for Sumner County Treasurer. I wish I knew that ahead of time, I could have started a write in campagin. That would have been very funny. I wonder who is going to get that spot. I guess I'll know this evening.

Lunch is on the way from Uptown Bistro - my chicken shawarma, hummus and fattouch salad should be arriving any minute. I am soooo looking forward to it, I may even start salivating. Can I shout it to the world how much I love hummus?

What a great day! I new government is coming. My work is chugging right along and I am getting tons of stuff done today. I may even finish reconciling October and close the month officially. My lunch is going to be awesome. Can this day get better?!

Mood:  sharp

I am not exactly a Napoleon Bonaparte ‘rah-rah’ kind of fan, because I’m not pro-war and he was Mr. Conquer Europe, but I saw something last night that pointed out an idea of his I truly liked.

Napoleon was against theocracy. He was against the Inquisition and the rule of the Catholic Church. He tore down the walls of the Jewish ghettos and granted civil rights to the Jewish people in the lands he conquered (Northern Italy, Spain, etc) who were oppressed by the Holy C. Yes, I was watching PBS last night. I could not believe I was actually in front of the TV set, and after dusting off the remote control, I found myself at PBS of course. Hoping for something light such as Antique Road Show I became engrossed in a documentary on the Inquisition.

If I was dead set against the Catholic Church already (my entire family is either extremely Catholic or members of the Orthodox Armenian Church), this documentary went further than anything I have ever read to make me firm my resolve against the papacy.

Anyway, Napoleon had the right idea with regards to the separation of Church and State.

Christians – prepare to be offended -

Biblical laws should not be used as the laws to run a government that rules over a diverse group of people from varying religions. They are exclusionary, chauvinistic, and in many cases barbaric.

Here is my issue. If what I do is a sin in your eyes, and you believe I will go to hell for it, and my soul will be damned for it, then, I will be punished and judged by your God’s laws. That does not mean you have the right to judge me in this life. That does not mean that you have the right to stop me from living my life. Let me be a sinner and be done with it. I am not asking you to save me and I am specifically telling you to not try. I am not asking for your approval, because you do not have the right to approve or disapprove of my morality because yours is not superior to mine. I do not need you to impose your beliefs on me.

Besides all of that, you are hypocrites. Should we enforce all the laws of the Biblical cannon, you all would be condemned over and over again. Some examples:

 Leviticus 18:19 “And you must not come near a woman during the menstruation of her impurity to lay her nakedness bare.” Okay, then, has every Christian or Jewish man slept in another bed away from his wife every time she was on her period and abstained from sexual intercourse at that time as well? If you haven’t, you’re a sinner and in violation of God’s laws. 

Leviticus 18:20 “ You must not give your emission as semen to the wife of your associate to become unclean by it.” Okay, then, every man who has donated sperm is a sinner, and every woman who has taken a sperm donation for the use of getting pregnant without intercourse, is a sinner. 

How about –

 Leviticus 19: 9 & 10 “And when YOU people reap the harvest of YOUR land, you must not reap the edge of your field completely, and the gleaning of your harvest you must not pick up. Also, you must not gather the leftovers of your vineyard, and you must not pick up the scattered grapes of your vineyard. For the afflicted one and the alien resident you should leave them." Okay, then, every farmer who hasn't given the left over of his harvest to the crippled and to immigrants for free is a sinner.

Leviticus 19: 19 "YOU people should keep my statutes: You must not interbreed your domestic animals of two sorts. You must not sow your field with seeds of two sorts, and you must not put upon yourself a garment of two sorts of thread, mixed together." Okay, all of you who have muts you adopted from the pound that you've bred, you're sinners. Or, if you allowed cross breeding, you're a sinner. Oh, and all of those not wearing 100% silk, or cotton, something that isn't a blend, then, you're a sinner.

Need I go on? I tried to pick some of the least offensive of the laws I could. Oh, and the argument that Jesus was the fulfillment of the cannon, and now you need only live by the new convenient of love thy neighbor, then, well, love me and stop telling me what to do.

OR, if all those laws still exist, and Jesus died for my sins, then he was the Substitutionary Sacrifice, and that should be enough.

Mood:  sharp

When I was younger – I am talking like when I was age 10 - 17, I was fairly religious and pretty conservative. I believed in freedom so long as it conformed to Jehovah’s guidelines as set forth in the scared texts of the Bible. I was firmly a creationist, did not believe in a woman’s right to choose, and was not very accepting of the idea of homosexual relationships. I can admit that I let my personal religious beliefs dictate my world view on what other people should or should not be doing in their daily lives – their personal daily lives. Then, my eyes were opened by a series of personal events that caused me to reevaluate my belief structure.

The Massacre in Tiananmen Square in China opened my eyes. How could a government hate its people so much as to run them over with tanks and shoot them when all they wanted was freedom? That is what was running through my mind. I was thankful that I lived in a country where I was free. I started to evaluate my freedoms and I realized I took a great deal of them for granted. My mother had talked to me about the Civil Rights movement and the Women’s Liberation movement, but I really didn’t “get it” until I saw that poor Chinese man stand in front of tank, stand up and say, “We are not going to take this anymore” and they killed him and a host of other protesters. Why? What For? Was all this because Communist leader Deng Xiaoping wanted to shore up his leadership? It was a peaceful mass protest, and the Chinese government’s response was violent and brutal. Yes, June 4, 1989 affected me greatly. It led me to some deep soul searching. Who are we to deny others the right to choose they way in which they want to spend their precious hours on this marvelous creation Earth?

Other things happened in 1989 and 1990 that shaped my view of our government and society in general.

Reagan left office and the first Bush presidency began. Things just did not seem to be going in a good direction for the country. Bush was out of touch with the American people, and he just seemed ‘smarmy’ to me. Not long after he took over the reigns from Reagan, the whole Iran-Contra affair was wrapped up with a US jury convicted Oliver North. I wondered why Bush and Reagan didn’t get something done to them. It didn’t seem fair. This secret arrangement in the 1980s to provide funds to the Nicaraguan contra rebels from profits gained by selling arms to Iran was just a terrible thing for the Republican administration to do. The Iran-contra affair was the product of two separate initiatives during the administration of President Ronald Reagan. The first was a commitment to aid the contras who were conducting a guerrilla war against the Sandinista government of Nicaragua. The second was to placate “moderates” within the Iranian government in order to secure the release of American hostages held by pro-Iranian groups in Lebanon and to influence Iranian foreign policy in a pro-Western direction. I wasn’t too thrilled when just over a year latter Oliver North’s conviction was overturned on appeal. It just didn’t feel like justice.

I remember very clearly when I heard about Salman Rushdie being condemned to death by Iran’s Ayatollah Khomeini because he wrote Satanic Versus, and then just a short time later Khomeini dying. I never liked Khomeini because of the entire mess with the hostages in Iran, and I didn’t get why this guy had so much power. It got me interested in WHY he was in charge of Iran (as I understood it at age 17), and I found out he was a cleric – yeah, a holy man. Something like a priest or rabbi, or congregational elder but on an entirely more powerful level, because he told people how to live their lives and made it the country’s law. He made Islamic law the law of the land in Iran and when I found out about how they treated women – OH MY GOODNESS – was I ever pissed.

I hadn’t understood the whole Iran-Contra thing but when Khomeini started up with his death threats against Rushdie, I started to think long and hard about theocracy, democracy, and our government, particularly the party that was in charge at the time – the Republicans.

Anyway – stuff was happening around the world and it came at me and I really started to focus on something other than “my personal little world.”

The Solidarity movement winning elections in Poland on June 5, 1989 was such a contract to the events of the previous day in China. It gave me a little hope that people who worked through grass roots movements and strived for freedom – democracy, free elections, rights – could win if they stuck together. The Berlin wall coming down – that was huge. October and November of 1989 was massive in my world political view. Then fall of communism in the Soviet Union in February 1990, wow, no more USSR. Was it the end of the Cold War? Well – not yet, that didn’t happen ‘officially’ until July 1990.

Followed closely by the US invasion of Panama in December, and the arrest of General Manuel Noriega for drug trafficking. I did not agree with the extreme clamp down by Noriega’s government on the limited democracy that existed in Panama, but I certainly didn’t think it was up to the US to be the world’s watchdog and invade a country.

OH - and also, the revolution in Romania. I clearly remember the face of Nicole Ceausecu, the deposed dictator of Romania – shot dead with his wife. It was bloody and terrible, the civil war in Romania, but it led to freedom for the Romanian people.

There were also tremendous environmental issues that opened my eyes. The Exxon Valdez tanker ran aground in Prince William Sound in Alaska. The HUGE environmental impact on that pristine wilderness coalesced my anger with large corporations and the greed of the oil industry giving me another topic to read about. See – my government studies teacher gave me a list of books that I needed to choose from and read. One of them was “Rating America’s Corporate Conscience – A Provocative Guide To the Companies Behind The Products You Buy Every Day”. That book really was a shake up for me, as did some of the other books I read, like, “The Movement and The Sixties” by Terry H. Anderson.

There was a teacher’s strike at my high school and my government studies teacher was the ‘ringleader’. Several of his ‘favorite’ students staged a student protest on the front lawn. 600 other students to followed (about 34% of the student body) and joined the sit in. We didn’t feel that the teachers were being paid enough AND many of us were upset that ‘downtown’ was directing things at our school when we thought it should be the staff at the school who knew our needs best that should be directing things. This went along with what the teachers union said and felt too. We carried protest signs and supported the striking teachers with coffee, donuts, and brown bag lunches. None of us were suspended and several of the others had their parents come and join the sit in. This girl I knew actually called the news networks to get them to come down and film the protest. They never aired it because they didn’t want to encourage other such protests by students across the district. Still – the news spread and within a week, a great number of high schools across the LAUSD were faced with massive student protests on behalf of the striking teachers. So, in1989 when after a two-week strike the United Teachers of Los Angeles (UTLA) settled a labor contract with LAUSD that mandated a shift toward site-based management (SBM) of the district’s schools and budget.

I participated in a march on the Federal Building in Westwood on Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

Then, Nelson Mandela was released from prison in February 1990 and I became very interested in South Africa and their civil rights issues.

The US Supreme court overturning the law banning flag burning June 11, 1990 was HUGE for me.

I took trip to Europe and went to college there in the fall of 1990. The Persian Gulf War broke out while I was there. Margaret Thatcher left office and John Major became Prime Minister. Americans abroad feared for their lives. It was horrible and even though I thought the evasion of Kuwait by Iraq was wrong, I was angry at then President Bush for sending my friends there to fight over oil.

History has made me who I am, and shattered my personal beliefs I once clung to like a security blanket. It became clear to me that overly zealous religious conservatives caused a great deal of turmoil in the Middle East. I analyzed my own religious beliefs, took several classes in religious studies in college (Judaism, Eastern Religions, “Pagan” Religions). I figured after studying the Bible since I was three years old, I needed to hear what other religions thought and believed. It was a true eye opener. I realized that there were huge differences and yet tremendous similarities. The one thing that became very clear to me was the religion was really about control and fear. By implanting fear in the populace and then telling them that only through the clergy can one find ‘salvation’ from whatever is causing the fear, the clergy was controlling the masses. The skeptic in me was born and yet, the little girl who wanted to believe that there was a purpose and a masterful design to all things didn’t want to let go.

Here I am, 36 years old, and still baffled by the gullibility of people who don’t seek their own personal relationship with the divine, but rather have it spoon fed to them by oppressive organizations like the Taliban, the Vatican, Al Qaida, Watchtower Society, etc. About two weeks ago or so, I was driving home and I heard that a part of the Episcopalian church had broken away because of issues over women being ordained, women being ordained as Bishops, and about openly gay clergy. The guy that was leading the people to leave the church had some pretty hateful speech going on. It was very anti-woman and anti-gay as if they weren’t living breathing creations of God. He was going on and on about this and that being unchristian and all I can think of was, Jesus is the fulfillment of the Law, and that the only guidance Jesus left us was to love your neighbor as yourself. Everything Jesus wanted us to do could be summed up with – love everyone and be good to and understanding of each other. Here was this ‘man of God’ on the radio saying that gays were sinners destined to burn in Hell. Boy that just chapped my hide. Who is he to judge? He’s not perfect, and he himself is a sinner. AND, if you believe in the Bible and what it says, you can believe that Jesus died for everyone’s sins, to wash them clean, so that even people who are sinners can be cleaned of their sins if they accept Christ as their savior.

Well, listening to that stuff on the radio, on NPR no less, reaffirmed my belief that organized religion does more to separate people than it does to bring them together.

So what do I personally believe or what are my ideas? Here goes:

• I believe the Earth, Solar System, Galaxy, Universe – all of it – is wondrous no matter how it got here. It’s glorious and spectacular and should be appreciated, cared for as best we can, and respected.
• I believe that each living individual entity (plant, mammal, bird, fish, etc.) has an inherent right to exist in its natural setting and should be allowed to do so without undo harm, abuse, or destruction
• I believe that people should stop hurting other people; that too many people take pleasure in creating discord and anarchy for the sake of their own personal enjoyment and fulfillment causing suffering to others
• I believe that all genders have the same rights of existence and are absolutely of equal value to the universe
• I believe that all cultures have their inherent value and that no other culture should try and destroy another
• I believe that although there are many different varieties of people, we are all humans needing sustenance, companionship, love, respect, hope and peace.
• I believe that as long as I am not hurting another separate independent living entity, I should be allowed to do whatever I want with my own body including ending my own life if that is what I choose to do
• I believe that no government or organization has been true to its established charter, constitution, founding papers, etc. and that they are imperfect groups run by imperfect people
• I believe that you have the right to believe whatever you want to, but that your beliefs don’t necessary make you right, nor do my beliefs make me right, and we do not have to agree with each other, merely acknowledge that we have differences, that each individual has the right to their personal beliefs, and that in no way, shape, or form should anyone try to force their personal moral code upon another
• I believe in harmony – differences blended together to create a working balance of tones

Mood:  bright

I am in a fabulous mood, having recovered from a brief bout of food poisoning, I am back at work and preparing for month end; that’s not why I am in such a good mood though.

This birthday was by far the best birthday I’ve ever had. Let me recap all the birthday goodness.

My very good friend, Shurree, flew in from Kentucky on Wednesday (October 22) night and the fun began. When we got home from the airport we picked Matt up at home and it was off to Andy’s Grill & Bar. We had a quick dinner with the very best Long Island Ice Teas in Kansas. Yep, each of us had one of those bad boys! It was a giggle filled night to say the least. When we got home, Matt gave me my remaining birthday presents. This year he bought me:

1.    Sex In The City – all six seasons in that pink suede book

2.    Sex In The City – the movie

3.    Phil Lesh and Friends – triple CD

4.    Scrabble Deluxe version on a turntable

I just absolutely love all four of the presents~! I have already watched all of 1 and 2, listed to number 3 and can’t wait to play number 4 with Kyle this weekend.

The next morning (my birthday!) Shurree and I went looking for the new bakery in Wellington. Well, we couldn’t find it, as it apparently went out of business. We ended up grabbing something at McDonald’s (big mistake). Then we went shopping at the Super Wal-Mart for groceries and things. We bought Icee’s at Subway and went home to kick back and watch Sex In The City. Then we met up with April and Rita at La Mesa in Wichita for a light dinner and a pitcher of margaritas. We had fun and took pictures. I will post them.

Friday, we picked up Christina and I took both Christina and Shurree for massages at Heritage College. Heritage College teaches massage therapy so you are getting massaged by students who have to put in so many hours of massage work before they are licenses. It only costs $25 for 50 minutes and it is as good as any salon around without the pretentiousness. After massages, we met up with Chris and the four of us had a wonderful laugh filled lunch at N & J Bakery in Wichita. Boy did we pig out. We ordered the Vegetarian Appetizer Plate which comes with hummus, baba ghanouj, tabouli, dolmas, falafel, feta cheese and kalamata olives; oh and of course regular pita bread and fried pita chips.

Chris and I decided to split our lunches. She got the lamb gyro and I got the chicken artichoke pita wrap – that way we got half of each wrap. Christina got the beef shawarma which she liked greatly. Shurree also got the lamb gyro. Everything was fabulous. Then came dessert and coffee. We had an amazing vanilla cheesecake and tiramisu – splitting the two desserts between the four of us. They each had Turkish coffee, while I merely dipped my cheesecake into Christina’s coffee pot now and then. Man Turkish coffee is strong stuff. I was afraid we were all going to be zipping around like coke fiends! It reminded me of Trader Joe’s chocolate covered expresso beans. We each took a little box of leftovers home there was so much food! Anyway, I bought $20 worth of baklava for the dinner party Saturday night as well as three tubs of hummas and both regular and fried pita.

After we got home from lunch, we hung out and watched more Sex In The City, and then I started making dinner – a turkey sausage red pepper lasagna. Joey and Kaitlyn came over and we created Kaitlyn’s first D&D character – an elven archer. It took about two hours of updating and recreating characters before we began. We ate a nice salad and had lasagna and before we knew it, it was 2:30 am and we’d been playing D&D 9 hours. Joey and Kaitlyn went home and we all went to bed exhausted.

Saturday, I managed to sleep in until 11:30! That’s truly amazing, although I did go to bed at 2:30 am. Anyway, we bummed around the house watching even MORE Sex In The City and then started to clean up and prepare for Christina, Jared, and Tina to come over for dinner. Kaitlyn and Joey were also supposed to come over but Joey got sick and stayed home. That night I made Cornish game hens stuffed with an herb, onion, celery & cranberry breadcube stuffing, mashed potatoes & gravy, and sautéed squash & peppers. We had roast garlic and sourdough along with all that hummas and pita for appetizers, as well as fresh grapes, frosted pretzels, and candied orange slices. I served the raspberry Belgian Lambic I love so much with dinner. We also did some Vodka tasting. I had the vodka in the freezer so it was very cold and brought it to the table in a bowl of ice. Typically, I would go Martha Stewart and have saved milk containers and put the bottles in water into the freezer with flowers to make everything ‘pretty’, but hey, I didn’t have the time or energy. The taste test was between Stolichnaya, Skye, Grey Goose, and Chopin. The overall group favorite was Skye. Stoli and Grey Goose got the greatest snub, Chopin did a little better because of the general rubbing alcohol smell and aftertaste of those three. Skye was smooth and didn’t leave an aftertaste.

So, we had dinner and did some flaming shots off of our bar. Oh course – Flaming Gorilla Tits! I made Christina, Shurree and Matt my famous Milkshakes (Buttershots, Baileys, Kaluha, French Vanilla Creamer and cardamom over shaved ice) and made Jared a Long Island Ice Tea. Tina decided to just do shots of Cabo Wabo – making Sammy Hager proud and rich!

After our ‘dessert drinks’ we retired to the living room for some Rockband! It was quite funny. Jared started to play the drums, had too much trouble with it and jumped away. Tina ended up playing the drums on like five tunes. Shurree and I shared the microphone back and forth while Matt played bass and guitar until his fingers hurt, then he passed it to me, and I played bass while he took a turn singing two tunes. They went home around midnight as we were all pretty tired and toasted.

Sunday morning Shurree and I watch even MORE Sex In The City until it was time for us to leave for the airport. Matt and I drove her to Mid-Continent and went home to a quiet evening of reading on the bed with each other.

Overall it was a fabulous birthday weekend!

Mood:  bright

It is day 1 of meetings for me. Seriously - all day long.

My first meeting of the day was to be with the head of Security, but she had an important personnel issue to deal with this morning so we rescheduled for the afternoon. Luckily, my afternoon meeting with the head of Energy was rescheduled to October 28. So, I had about an hour of 'free' time to work on my meeting preparation for tomorrow's day of meetings with ESOL, Secondary Career Technical Ed, Environmental Services and Nutrition Services. Have you got the picture that I feel like I am spinning around and around like a top? 

I just finished my salad and thankfully April is allowing me to use her office while she is out. See - today my meetings are at the School Service Center, so I am away from my office and operating out of my computer bag - laptop, files and all. My portable office, which thankfully, I do not have to use as often as when I worked for the Tribe. Thus, here I am, finished my salad, working on the rest of my orange juice, and finding myself with time to blog. I promised myself I would attempt to do this morn often so here I am...look at me go.

Anyway - it has been really amazing lately, finding many old aquaintences on Facebook. I have found people I haven't seen in 18 years and I am utterly thrilled to pieces that I've found them. Have you ever felt like you were missing something and you weren't sure what it was, you just knew that it wasn't all there for you at that moment? Well, although I feel pretty together, I had this 'missing' feeling with regards to my past.

Now, for those of you who have kept up with me over the years, you know that I scrapped everything about my life in 2002 and started over. New husband, new job, new state...NEW LIFE. This was not the first time I pretty much scrapped everything and started fresh. After I graduated from CSUN I left Los Angeles behind never to return and moved to Northern California...so, although I was still dating the guy I met in LA, I still had a new life...new job, new friends, new state of mind. All that lasted until 2002.

I am in the best place I have ever been, truly, I want for virtually nothing. My husband is the other half of my soul and I am very much fulfilled as a wife and mother. YET...the closeness of my friendships has never been quite like it was back in my youth. Yes, I do feel like I have some friends here in Kansas that are becoming closer to me. Chris, April, Dalia are among them and I am glad. But I miss Lisa, Emily and Stacy something akin to withdrawl symptoms. We were so incredibly close when we were younger. I could tell them anything ANYTHING and they would not judge me or critize me or whatever. They were and are some of my dearest friends. There were other people who I just loved to hang out with and do things with.

I LOVED just bursting out into song with Tracy...no apparent reason, driving down the road and BAM out comes Jubilate Deo or the chorus to some opera we were in together.

I LOVED drinking beer, eating pizza, and watching Monday night football with Allen, Jeff, and the guys after band practice at Numero Uno. Where are they all now? Where is Allen? I miss him and all his details about urban planning and trains and the Portland Trailblazers.

I miss heading out on Saturday nights to see Rocky Horror Picture Show - for the Nth time (currently 114 and counting). Just to be stupid and throw toast and yell stuff at a screen and have wild fun being a nutjob - I haven't done that in at least 7 years...had to be Halloween 2001 - and the two people I went with the RHPS virgins - totally not fun as they just didn't get it.

Oddly enough, I have had the craving to TP a house recently. I swear if I lived near Adam Payne the place would be covered over in two ply Charmin.

I miss the hiking and camping trips up through Redwood National Forest, Elk Dancing, hugging trees, getting lost in the fog, and Lisa and I chasing frogs through Fern Canyon's creek.

I miss the lazy afternoons spent in the company of my buds just shooting the shit about the coming days' rehearsals or concerts or whatever. Singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in the style of our favorite composers and whatnot was just utterly silly and fun, but we did it.

I miss playing crouquet with Jeanette, Yarrow, and Tim around the front yard while Lobo ran around picking up the croquet balls with his mouth and bringing them back to us like he was playing fetch.

I miss spontaneous road trips to Palm Springs for no other reason than just spending time with my pals on the road listening to music and getting away from everyone.

We all grew up, moved away, got married, had kids and what...died a little? No, that's not fair...I do have friends that have died - Mia, Roger, Dave - top three that come to mind in a blur of faces that I know I will never see again. We've all changed and shifted into who we are now. Time doesn't flow backwards and I cannot bring back who or what I once was - I don't even know if I REALLY want to.

All I know is I miss my friends I have history with. I love my friends here in Kansas and I am trying to build a new history, but there is something that is lost in the translation while trying to explain marching backwards in a spiral, or lawnchair surfing in a VW bus, or midnight cravings for Tommy's burgers or In & Out, or bond fires on Dockwhiler beach...even trying to get them to understand the basic differences that have helped to mold me into me. Seriously, this is the whitest place I have ever lived in my life, and when I make food that isn't of 'typical' "American" faire or I say something about doing this or that...they stare at me like I am from outter space. I have literally had two people that couldn't believe I have had three black roommates, or that I dated two black guys, or that I dated Jewish guys. Yeah, can you believe that in this day and age? They actually asked me what I did when it was Easter and I was dating a Jewish guy, like I am supposed to harbor some feelings about Easter and the Risen Christ or something that would stop me from dating someone who was Jewish? OY! I just smile and start singing in Hebrew "Lecha Adonai Ha-gedula" *wink* (thank you Jay and Noreen!) They look at me like that's just unbelieveable. It's like another planet sometimes I swear. Yes, I love my friends because they are good people, but one of them asked a question the other day that I seriously couldn't believe could come out of her mouth.

Which I guess is why I am hanging in there with the Cultural Proficency training. Yes, I am one of six Cultural Proficency trainers for my building. I get up there and using a PowerPoint and a textbook, I try to get people to come to terms with the fact that they need to work on be accepting of people's differences and valuing those differences as an enrichment of our corporate culture. It is emotionally and spiritually draining, but I am doing it because Ronda asked me to, as I would do just about anything for my sister from another mother. That's her...Ronda, my very dear friend, who also happens to be my boss.

Someday, I will put the pieces back together of all the tattered remains of my friendships that I have lost touch with over the years. I only hope that when they get put back together that there is still something there worth saving. At least Facebook has been a start to this task.

Mood:  lazy

So, it is Saturday morning and the children are still asleep at 10am! What a miracle. Me, well, I was up at 7:30 this morning. I was actually up earlier than that, but I just laid in bed trying hard to be still so as not to wake Matt up and to go back to sleep. No such luck there. Anyway, I got up and decided to watch the lastest film NetFlix sent me on my long list of films that I've racked up in my queue. It was an 80's flick I hadn't seen since, well, the 80's. "Gotcha!" with Anthony Edwards pre-ER. It was an amusing time waster while I "yawned and stretched and tried to come alive." (thank you Dolly P. for that great line). Anywho...

I am seriously continplating hopping back into bed and sleeping some more now that Matt's up. I can have the whole bed to myself and snuggle up in the blankies. Although, I have no clue what are plans for today are. We were going to have a campaign led by Tony today, but Crystal and the girls are down from Nebraska and well, that kind of takes priority over a game of D&D. Sadly, I don't think anything good is happening in that area. Poor Lexie and Monkey.

I was so glad to have the day off yesterday. Finally, I was able to drop off some more fundraising money for Wildman's account - $227. I have like another $90 in cash that I will need to keep as change for the two parties that I will be scheduling in the next three weeks. I need to firm up those dates - one with the Hispanic Woman's League and another at a private home. If I have many more necklace sets left after that I am going to see if I can get a booth at the Wellington Christmas Boutique and finish selling off my inventory.